British people are known for their decorum and class...and their unwritten (nevertheless concrete) social rules and regulations.
Here are twelve things you should never, under threat of painful awkwardness, do in a British person's home:
1. Don’t turn up uninvited
2. If the invitation is for 7pm, don't turn up at 11 o'clock at night
It's rude to arrive late, and you'll have missed the food. What's the point in arranging a time if you're going to blow right past it?
3. Don’t wear a hat indoors
Take it off, it's rude.
4. Don’t help yourself to the contents of the fridge
James Cordon explains why in this video, but basically:
That’s my fridge. That’s my juice, put it back and leave and never see me again.
You can’t take a drink from my fridge, you’ve got to ask me and then I will say the phrase ‘help yourself’ and you will then say ‘no, no I can’t’ and I’ll go ‘Sure’ and by that point we’re fine because I know that you’re legit and ok.’
5. Don’t criticize the food
Someone took time out of their day to make you food, so you eat it with nothing less than appraisals. Lumpy mashed potatoes and all.
6. No personal grooming...
This means don't cut your toenails, fart or scratch your nether regions...this isn't your home. Behave.
7. Don’t get drunk on your own
It's awkward when you're the only one rocking in the corner after downing a bottle (or two) of wine and the rest of your friends watch as your midlife crisis unfolds.
Leave that for Jeremy Kyle reruns in the comfort of your own home. No one needs to see that.
8. Don’t eat with your hands, use the utensils
Pizza? That's fine. Linguine Marvini? Not so much.
9. Don’t blow your nose on the napkin
They were made to wipe away food stains, not the remnants of last week's cold.
10. Don’t just light up a cigarette in the Living Room
11. Don't refuse a cup of tea
Yes, it'll have too much sugar, not enough milk and probably be on the colder side of hot. But denying it is impossible, so bottom's up.
12. And for goodness sake, don’t go into a bedroom
It's sacred. And private. And not yours.
Got it? Good.