"The Sausage Principle: If you love something, never find out how it was made," is how comedian John Oliver began his discussion of Fifa on the eve of the World Cup almost a year ago.
"Fifa is a comically grotesque organisation," he explained on his Last Week Tonight show last year as he assessed the governing body's stranglehold over the global game, its history of scandals and its servitude to corporate sponsorship.
On the Brazil World Cup:
Let me put this in terms you might understand. Think of money as pubic hair, and Fifa as wax. They'll be all over you during the World Cup, but when they go they're taking all the money with them. Including some from places you didn't even know you had any money.
On Fifa's hubris:
If you think Fifa can't get any more cartoon-ishly evil, this [see below] is their headquarters' actual boardroom. That's right, Fifa apparently modelled where they meet on the war room from Dr Strangelove. That is Exhibit A of an organisation that does not give a shit what you think about them. And yet, the Fifa president maintains they are merely a humble, non-profit organisation.
On the 2022 World Cup:
There are now some allegations that Fifa executives took bribes to put the World Cup in Qatar. And I hope that's true. Because otherwise it makes literally no sense.
And perhaps the one thing that keeps it running:
By this point, I hope I've proven to you that Fifa is just appalling, and yet, here's their power: I am still so excited about the World Cup. It's very hard to justify how I can get so much joy from an organisation that's caused so much pain other than [that it is a religion]. But it's not just that, it's an organised religion and Fifa is its church.
Just think about it. Its leader is infallible. It compels South American countries to spend money they don't have on opulent cathedrals [stadia] and it may ultimately be responsible for the deaths of shocking numbers of people in the Middle East. But, but, but... for millions of people around the world like me it is also the guardian of the only thing that gives their lives any meaning.
Watch the full segment below: