The 10 worst autobiography titles

John Rentoul@JohnRentoul
Sunday 14 December 2014 10:00

This list was suggested by this magazine's editor, Mike Higgins, when he saw that Rio Ferdinand's memoir was called '#2Sides'. Ben Stanley nominated 'Auto Da Fay', by Fay Weldon, while Michael Crick nominated 'It's About a Ball', by Alan Ball, but those are both superb.

1. 'Losing My Virginity' by Richard Branson

Nominated by John McTernan.

2. 'They Made a Monkee out of Me' by Davy Jones

From Chris White.

3. 'Momentum' by Mo Mowlam Lovely author; appalling play on words.

Suggested by Tom Doran.

4. 'If I Did It' by OJ Simpson

On grounds of distaste rather than lack of taste. From Issy Flamel.

5. 'Rags to Richie' by Shane Richie

From The G-Man.

6. 'In the Time of Nick' by Nick Owen

Nearly brilliant by the newsreader. Nominated by Sam Freedman.

7. 'Fan Dabi Dozi' by the Krankies

To compound the horror, the foreword is by Max Bygraves. Issy Flamel again.

8. 'Watt's My Name' by boxer Jim Watt

Nominated by someone going under the name "And Pseudoreality Wins".

9. 'Tosh' by John Toshack

Footballer's memoir nominated by Alan Beattie, who adds, "Though not as awful as his book of poetry (really), Gosh It's Tosh."

10. 'My Booky Wook', by Russell Brand

The G-Man again. An appeal that this was a reference to A Clockwork Orange was turned down.

John Rentoul's 'Listellany: A Miscellany of Very British Top 10s, from Politics to Pop' (Elliott & Thompson, £9.99; e-book £4.99) is out now

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