If Chris Morris wrote hard-house DJ biographies, it would probably read something like Andy Whitby's. But Andy Whitby is not just a hard-house DJ, "he is an experience".
That's according to a biography of the "Saviour of Hard Dance" on the Ibiza Clubbing Guide website that has recently been shared on Twitter:
At 6ft tall and broad-shouldered, with his trademark shaved head, a chunky ostentatious chain around his neck, and immaculate dress sense (if its not designer, it doesnt go anywhere near him) he makes an imposing figure who commands respect.
As you can see from his eyebrows. Respect.
In an attempt to discover if this profile was truly genuine or just a majestic piece of satire, i100 got in touch with Mr Whitby's management team. Sadly, they say, it is a fake.
The DJ's manager Sam Townend told i100 that the biography "does the rounds occasionally" and was "written as a parody by an anonymous third party".
But that doesn't take away from its brilliance:
He is not dancing; this is something far more emotional. Imagine watching a porn star having hot, rough, yet passionate but dominating sex to a breathless, wailing lover which, in this case, comes in the shape of a mixing desk.
The DJ, who appears to be part of something called #TEAMHARD on Twitter, has upcoming gigs in London, Manchester and Amsterdam. Where presumably revellers will be hoping to see his moves on the mixing desk in person.
An interview on the West Briton website from March 2009 appears to feature several snippets from the parody profile. That features a man called Matt Mitchell, who also has an interesting DJ profile here.