11 careers that would have made Donald Trump more successful than he is now

Bethan McKernan@mck_beth
Friday 11 December 2015 17:10
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A few weeks ago i100.co.uk wrote about how a sliver of information about Donald Trump's finances had resurfaced since he launched his bid to become the Republican presidential nominee.

One of Trump's biggest boasts during the campaign so far is that he is a self-made man. But an article in the National Journal unearthed the following:

Had the celebrity busi­ness­man and Re­pub­lic­an pres­id­en­tial can­did­ate in­ves­ted his even­tu­al share of his fath­er’s real-es­tate com­pany in­to a mu­tu­al fund of S&P 500 stocks in 1974, it would be worth nearly $3 bil­lion today, thanks to the mar­ket’s per­form­ance over the past four dec­ades.

If he’d in­ves­ted the $200 mil­lion that For­bes magazine determ­ined he was worth in 1982 in­to that in­dex fund, it would have grown to more than $8 bil­lion today.

Trump puts his own net worth at $10 billion, but Bloomberg values him at $2.9billion and Forbes at $4.5 billion.

The London Review of Books wryly remarked that if Trump had "spent his career finger-painting", he'd have more money.

Which got us to thinking: Trump has made negative money in a long and probably very stressful career. What other paths could he have gone down since 1974 that would arguably have been more fulfilling, and at least made him a buck or two?

1. Hairdresser/beauty therapist

Hairdressers are reportedly some of the happiest workers on earth. And you know the Donald would get a kick out of helping people achieve his own signature comb over/fake tan look.

2. Marriage counsellor

Always full of sound advice.

3. Construction worker

That wall on the border with Mexico isn't going to build itself.

4. Impressionist

Maybe not of the movements of people with physical disabilities, though, like he's doing here.

5. Professional sports player (well, he could try)

Trump reportedly dreamed of playing major league baseball when he was young. It's not like he doesn't own enough sports facilities to practise now, though.

6. Military strategist


Donald famously dodged military service because of a knee problem. But his sophisticated analysis of the current issues in the Middle East is 'beautiful, secret, foolproof'.

7. Professional hunter

He'd have to go live in the woods. But we're probably OK with that.

8. Doctor

Trump's attitude towards the West African ebola crisis also showed a thorough grasp of the ethics and complexities of public health.

9. Child carer/teacher

He loves kids! Look!

10. Zoologist


Trump could have been first to discover this little guy.

11. Artist

We couldn't find any pictures of Trump finger-painting. But we did find Paint with Trump, the results of which you can see here.

FYI, Donald: if you feel like ending the nightmare that is your presidential bid early, it's never too late to pursue your dreams...

More: It turns out Donald Trump would actually be richer now if he'd done nothing since 1974

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