Someone is writing agony aunt columns in the voice of Nigel Farage - and it's terrifyingly brilliant

Jessica Brown@Jessica_E_Brown
Sunday 04 December 2016 10:45
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Picture:(Leon Neal/Getty Images)

Nigel Farage has, of late, been eschewing the spotlight in British politics.

Since dropping the B-bomb of Brexit, he's been angling for a role in the Trump administration in the US, and has been replaced as Ukip leader by Paul Nuttall.

Now his primary job seems to be whispering in Donald Trumps ear with absolutely no authority from the British government to do so.

Thanks to Jason Spacey, we can now imagine Farage in a new role as Agony Aunt with his new, 90’s style advice column.

Farage's advice for people worried about people trying to stop Brexit:

It is your patriotic duty to march on Supreme Court with other decent Brits like Ukip, Britain First and the EDL.

And for these characters, worried abut the gradual erosion of British culture:

Remember, it’s not racist to talk about the tidal wave of foreigners who come over here and steal our jobs, milk our soft-touch benefit system and exploit our NHS!

And remember:

Women are too easily distracted by cats and home furnishings catalogues to be a success in the cut and thrust business world.

In this edition, the characters are worried about gay sex. Farage reassures them:

I only have to think about two men sharing a room and I knock one out.

In the 13th edition, Farage reassures readers:

Our grandfathers died in the war so we could strengthen our argument by pointing out that they died in the war.

More: Nigel Farage wants 100,000 people to march on the Supreme Court in case it doesn't say what he wants

More: Two men standing in a gold-plated lift are claiming they've stuck it to the elite

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