"So there’s a scrotum beauty pageant I’m thinking of entering, but I don’t know if I have the balls…"
How did we get to this? Well…
Today, a beauty pageant has been launched to find the most beautiful scrotum, the sac which holds the testes, as voted for by the internet.
Entries are open until Christmas, meaning prospective candidates have until then to submit a photo of their, er, package.
Note that that's scrotums only, gentlemen, not testicles, meaning some thought has to go into the photographic composition of your entry.
The competitors’ submissions are available to peruse and vote on at ballscontest.com (which my surprised colleagues tell me you shouldn’t under any circumstances visit at work, or in a public place).
The competition is being run by a sex toy company who ran a ‘Vagina Beauty Pageant’ in the summer, the winner of which had their vagina immortalised as a sex toy.
Sadly, the gentleman with the most appreciated scrotum will have no such glory, only having their testes made into “decorative items”.
The same data scientist who authored the previous statistical analysis of the vagina beauty pageant will be lending his insight to the scrotal variety.
Mic reports of contest creator and sex toy entrepreneur Brian Sloan:
As he is actually an oceanographer, he will classify the scrotums using features to differentiate them, as if he were discovering and classifying a never-before-seen species of fish.
We will of course let you know when a verdict is reached on the most perfect scrotum out there.