We 'asked' 14 completely fictional characters which way they would vote in the EU referendum

Louis Dor
Saturday 05 March 2016 16:00
Viral

Earlier this week, in an exclusive piece for the Times' Red Box, House of Cards' Frank Underwood announced support for Brexit.

The choice of commentator is a little unorthodox, given he is fictional, but fair enough, probably better than most of the conventional sources at present.

Now people have started speculating on what other entities without human, political faculties would do in an EU referendum:

So with that in mind, we did some consultancy of our own, "asking" a handful of non-existent things how they would cast their vote.

Here goes:

1. Thomas the Tank Engine

I'm persuaded by the offer of greater devolutionary powers for the Island of Sodor but I'm a little concerned with how coal prices would be affected.

2. Winnie the Pooh

Christopher Robin won't let me have too much honey. I don't like unelected officials.

3. Walter White

I'm a little concerned with Interpol's influence in the UK, they have a bit too much control, it's not productive. I'd vote to go, I don't know, what do you think?

4. Ron Weasley

Oh, why don't they just make it easy? I just want the answers, the arguments are so confusing. You do it!

5. Captain Birdseye

It's outrageous the EU take all our fish! I'm tired of subsidising the Brussels bureaucrats when my products should be paid for fairly, by hardworking British families. It's a disgrace!

6. The Avengers

Captain America, leader of the Avengers:

As an international, intergalactic, interdimensional organisation we feel we must fully endorse the EU. Cooperation and working towards a common goal with clear, centralised leadership is the only way to grow and prosper in the 21st century.

Tony Stark, a.k.a. Ironman, has contacted indy100 to clarify that he distances himself from Mr America's comments.

7. Groot

I am GrEUt.

Note: The transcription was unclear and has been interpreted to the best of our ability.

8. Malcolm Tucker

What the f--- did you just ask me? Look, our f---ing position, as Her Majesty's F---ing Almighty F---ing Government is whatever the f--- I tell you it is any given day. ANY GIVEN DAY. Get back to photoshopping a lolcat onto Jean-Claude f---face and hashtag it 'profit margins', you f---ing waste of a student loan.

9. The Doctor

You humans, you always bicker. You stay in and the things you do, you'll grow and reach out into the galaxy, making other little worlds. You always fight a little then stay together.

10. Tyrion Lannister

A spokesperson for Mr Lannister refused to give comment on the upcoming referendum:

If I had any plans regarding the referendum, don't you think it would be rather foolish to disclose them?

11. Robb Stark

I'LL BE KING IN THE NORTH!!!!

12.Rick Grimes

We should talk about this. No, actually, this isn't a democracy anymore. We're going to stay here, build a community. In the EU, together.

Note: Shortly after giving this statement, Grimes announced his intention to leave the EU, drawing his handgun and shooting the indy100 reporter with absolutely no hesitation, saying "they're messing with the wrong people".

13.Gollum

Smeagols can take you to Brussels, we knows the way. Smeagols can helps's Eurosceptics, we can help togethers. Comes with us!

14.David Brent

I don't know about EU, but I'd ref her endum!

We hope this has informed your viewpoint and voting intention on the upcoming EU referendum.

Disclaimer: All of these characters are fictional and (obviously) we have completely made up their answers. Please send help.

More: Donald Trump's penis size really is the level of political debate in America right now

More: The posters that show how hypocritical the Leave campaign is

Trending