If you have black satin sheets on your bed, you're definitely poor.
Yes, it's not got much to do with your bank balance anymore.
Cash-strapped but without black satin sheets? Rejoice, you're actually a millionaire.
At least, that's what we gleaned from comments by etiquette expert (which we just learned is apparently a thing) William Hanson, who has graciously revealed what bedroom items make you 'common'.
He told The Sun:
It is an eternal puzzle as to why people think that satin sheets (black or indeed any other colour) are the height of good taste.
Real quality bed linens should be cotton, linen or a blend of both. Silk and satin sheets are the reserve of haggard ungentlemanly playboys.
Here is what else Hanson thinks makes you 'common':
Think your childhood toys perching on the bed is cute? Think again, says Hanson.
A swamp of cutesty animals covering a bed is downmarket.
If the teddies are holding hearts with trite, sickly messages then it is even worse and shows soppiness - and there are few things less sophisticated than that.
Ban soppiness and love. Encourage coldness. Keep your feelings bottled up forever.
Check out this person's tacky and disgusting house.
Yes, Hanson has it in for mirrors too.
Smutty and smeary mirrors in odd and unusual places are vulgar - in every sense of the word.
Not only do they show an obscene and unhealthy attitude to physical romance but it screams of narcissism.
He even gifted the world with knowledge of previously undiscovered laws of nature.
It is never the case that anyone with a mirror on their bedroom ceiling is as good looking as they think they are.
In fact, the bigger the mirror the more unattractive they usually are.
It'd be interesting to find out how big the sample size in his study was to reach such definite conclusions.
What does this guy have against reflective surfaces?
"The upkeep and effort it requires is too much to even think about," Hanson explains, just before thinking quite a lot about the upkeep and effort required.
Mirrored furniture is not only redolent of the lower echelons of the premier league but stunningly impractical.
You might point out that even the lower premier league is still quite glamorous.
And with only the best, most fortunate players reaching premier league squads, not very common either.
Who wants to spend every moment polishing and buffing glass or wasting their help's time by asking them to do it?
Oak or mahogany furniture, slightly chipped or worn in places, is far smarter and will actually carry more catchet.
Yep, even a truly stunning pictures turns immediately ugly once hung without a frame.
New York City may have many merits but no quality British house is improved by a mass produced canvas print of the big apple from the ubiquitous furnishing house.
I would guess that at least half of the people who relax under such prints haven't visited the city, yet alone been to American in the first place.
Even if the canvas print isn't of the populist capital of America, pictures on walls should be ideally housed in frames.
Loads of pillows:
Hanson didn't hold back when divulging what he thinks of people with lots of pillows on their beds:
You've clearly holidayed in Dubai and taken inspiration from your OTT hotel.
In short, the more cushions, the more déclassé your bedroom is.
They're so comfy though.