Reddit is speculating on the NSFW nature of Harry Potter - it will ruin your childhood

Joe Vesey-Byrne
Monday 29 August 2016 12:00
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Picture: Rob Stothard/Getty Images

People on Reddit are trying to make everything you know and love about Harry Potter into one big innuendo.

The first Harry Potter book came out 19 years ago. The LAST book came out in 2007. Nine years ago. That's how to feel old, right there.

For a generation of people now in their 20s, and their parents, these books were a measure of time, and as they grew older, the content of the series itself matured and darkened.

With that in mind, prepare to read the NSFW moments that smut obsessed-people on Reddit have decided take place. Contains spoilers for the books and also your childhood memories.

Tonks is the product of a teen pregnancy

People who like to obsess over the timeline of Harry Potter have been unusually cruel to JK Rowling regarding her abilities as a mathematician. Once instance of this has led some readers to work out the age of Nymphadora Tonks, and the age of her parents, and conclude that she must have been conceived while they were still at Hogwarts. There's a lot of material available for jokes about forbidden forests and chambers of secrets, but we should all be adult about this.

Those magical moving photos are just gifs

And as one user pointed out, they could be used for porn.

Aberforth Dumbledore used 'inappropriate charms' on a goat

And this is legit in a book for children. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Chapter 24, 'Rita Skeeter's Scoop'.

Penseives could be like VR pornography

In a suggestion that blends Potter with Black Mirror, one Reddit user posited the idea that a wizard would be able to sell their sexual memories to be viewed by others in a penseive.

Lots of the spells could be used for 'alternative' purposes

Spells like 'Engorgio' and 'Petrificus totalis' can help Wizards in the pants department, and even the Cruciatus Curse could be used for S&M.

Moaning Myrtle is a pervert, and tried to sexually assault people

The ghost Myrtle who haunts some of the bathrooms at Hogwarts uses her translucency to invade these student safe spaces where Harry and other wizards try to bathe and use the lavatory. In Goblet of Fire Myrtle even says:

Not being a bad boy again, are you Harry? ...I'd put it in the water if I were you

CHEEKAAAY.

She repeatedly makes innuendo and implies she's also spied on a naked Cedric Diggory. When Harry tries to use the prefect's bathroom, she watches him too. This is why Harry Potter needed meninism.

The Room of Requirement

Lots of Reddit users came to the conclusion that this magical room which transformed into whatever the user needed, would have had a sex mode.

Hopefully that's your childhood ruined, because if not then you are messed up.

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