Wedding photographers reveal the moment they realised the marriage was doomed

Harriet Marsden@harriet1marsden
Friday 21 October 2016 14:30
Viral
Picture: istock / mofles(istock / mofles)

A woman on Reddit put out a call for wedding photographers to share their thoughts about the couples they photograph - and the moment they realised they might not last the distance.

indy100 has compiled their stories and compiled them into a handy guide: What You Want To Avoid At Your Wedding (In Order to Avoid Divorce), According to the Photographers™.

Death staring your spouse

Calliope720 posted this picture of her mum's wedding:

SwissJAmes: "Sudden Clarity Bride"

Focusing on the wedding, rather than the marriage

SuccessiveApprox: "My photography business partner and I talk about this a lot. We spend 8, 10, 12 or more hours in a day looking at the bride and groom through a frame that isolates them alone and together, largely stripping away the broader context and focusing on their interactions. We are looking specifically for moments of contact, of intimacy, of emotional connection. It pretty quickly becomes evident when those things are there, and when they are not.

"We also spend a lot of time listening to the language they use in pre-meetings, engagement shoots, on the wedding day, etc. It becomes pretty clear in a short time what the focus is. Many couples, particularly young couples, pretty clearly have in mind a wedding but have put little thought and planning into a marriage. The difference we see between a young couple and an older/second marriage couple is pretty significant."

There are many other little things (like once when there was more sexual tension between the groom and the best man than between the groom and the bride) that factor in, but those are the main things that jump out.

That's not good, obviously.

Being undecided about children

BigIdeaPhotoVideo: "We do wedding videography, and last year we shot the wedding for a couple that were together for a few years prior to it, and had a kid together. They honestly seemed like they would truly last. Just 2 weeks ago, my partner, who is friends with the groom on Facebook, told me they are getting a divorce. Truly saw no signs. Only thing i can think of is he didnt give her another baby which she claimed she wanted in the video."

Told my partner though we need to offer up divorce videos in the package for half price.

Legitimate business idea.

Showing zero affection

CoLmes: "My very first wedding was a couple who was getting married by the art museum in Philly. I had my friend whose been a wedding photographer for ten years with me to show me the ropes after doing a lot of second shooting with him. So he poses a kissing shot of the couple, and when he asks them to kiss the bride goes “oh, no, no thank you” in this weird little mousey voice."

He has shot over a 100 weddings and said he never saw a couple so not into each other as much as they were.

"The whole thing was weird. The groom didn't even bother to properly make himself look presentable on his wedding day, it was literally the first time both sides of the family met that day."

photographer_rob: "Usually during the romantic pictured they have no obvious signs of affection to each other. Perhaps this is just the couples I work with but when we tell them to kiss and hold hands and be affectionate, the couples that have no problem being close usually last. There are so that are very timid and almost afraid the other partner is going to bite their head off. Those are the couples that won't last."

Offering yourself to the wedding photographer (if you are the bride)

deweysizemore: "When I first got started I assisted for a photographer who was a good lookin fella. During the reception the bride told him they were going to have an open marriage and basically offered herself up to him, which he politely declined. Not sure how their marriage has turned out..."

Flirting with all the guests (if you are the groom)

Clover1492: "The groom, as far as I could tell was just naturally flirtatious with women. 20 years old, 80 years old, didn't matter, he was a shameless flirt who had women blushing and probably dreaming about the honeymoon all night.

"The bride wound up crying at the bar, apparently she assumed that once the groom said 'I Do', his personality would magically transform, and he'd never look at another woman again.

"Turns out, harmlessly flirting with bridesmaids and their grandmothers wasn't what she needed to worry about, since the groom was equally as flirtatious with his best man (who was openly gay).

The marriage lasted less than 6 months, until according to rumour the bride discovered her new groom flagrante delicto with the best man. Last I heard, now that gay marriage has been approved here, those two are planning a wedding of their own.

Being on your phone at the crucial moment

directinLA: "Don't know if they are still together, but one groom was on his phone while walking down the aisle. And he was in jeans. She wasn't the happiest (sadly I did not get any of her reaction shots)."

There is a time and a place for CandyCrush. Bride walking down the aisle? Not it.

Acting like a "jerk in general"

Eatcheeseordie: "I also wonder about the brides & grooms who make snarky remarks during the day. Like, if I only know you for eight hours, but I know you're upset your new spouse didn't let you plan any of the wedding, then I'm not sure you have your priorities straight."

And I wonder about their relationships when they're just jerks in general. Did you make your groomsmen all get different suits the day before the wedding? Did you spend the morning making misogynist comments to your photographer? You're probably difficult to be in a relationship with.#

Jazz4: "Also done a lot of wedding work in the past. I also got that feeling of 'how on earth are you two together'. He/she is an absolute ass and I've only met you for a few hours."

Being kind of dead inside

hopopo: "I was a second shooter at the high profile wedding. Both bride and groom are lawyers and absolutely emotionally dead. They looked like business partners. Strangest thing of all was that at the end of the ceremony there was no kiss or exchange of rings. Her family member did ceremony and just skipped the whole thing. Whole ceremony lasted less than 5min."

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