The 15 funniest jokes from the Edinburgh festival

Joe Vesey-Byrne
Tuesday 23 August 2016 13:00
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Picture: Jeff J Mitchell/Getty

Every year the Edinburgh Fringe festival gets bigger and bigger, making the competition between comics even greater. TV channel Dave asked a panel of 10 judges to size up the comedians, and then choose their favourite one liners.

Previous winners of the Dave trophy have been comedians Tim Vine, Rob Auton, Stewart Francis, Zoe Lyons and Nick Helm.

After the judges made their selections, the top fifteen were put to a public vote. Here are the results, ranked in order of vote share:

15.

Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word.

  • Phil Nicol – 12%

14.

I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses.

  • Zoe Lyons – 13%

13.

Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.

  • Arthur Smith – 13%

12.

I spotted a marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound.

  • Roger Swift – 14%

11.

Hillary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first.”

  • Michelle Wolf – 15%

10.

Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.

  • Jordan Brookes – 15%

9.

Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?

  • Annie McGrath – 15%

8.

Why is Henry’s wife covered in tooth marks? Because he’s Tudor.

  • Adele Cliff – 16%

7.

I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words.

  • Gary Delaney – 18%

6.

Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated.

  • Tiff Stevenson – 20%

5.

I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer… came second.

  • Will Duggan – 20%

4.

Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit.

  • Mark Smith – 21%

3.

I’ve been happily married for four years – out of a total of 10.

  • Mark Watson – 21%

2.

Why is it old people say “there’s no place like home”, yet when you put them in one…

  • Stuart Mitchell – 25%

1. And the winner is...

My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart.

  • Masai Graham – 27%

On being awarded the top spot, Graham had this to say:

I’m proud and honoured to win Joke of the Fringe. The funny thing is that it was Dave’s Joke of The Fringe that inspired me to become a comic. I remember picking up the paper years ago, reading the top 10 gags and wondering if I could write a decent one myself, so it feels fantastic to have actually won!

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