Someone call the Daily Mail, there's an alleged attempt to ban something Christmassy happening somewhere.
Scramble Rod Liddle to the outrage jet, air drop supply crates of tinsel and Jan Moir into the homes of the Christmas oppressed, Richard Littlejohn to scream 'Merry Christmas' from a new flotilla on the Thames.
Prepare the stocks for the council bureaucrats, the PC brigades, and the Health and Safety Executive.
Oh sorry. False alarm.
Some headlines would have you believe that a charity in Bavaria has banned Father Christmas from their local town.
They're not. They're trying to get people to call him Saint Nicholas instead.
A Catholic charity (for whom banning the celebration of the birth of Christ would sort of make them not a Catholic charity) has created a 'Father-Christmas free zone' in their town.
The event, held in Passau, involved a parade for Saint Nicholas, and the establishment of a 'zone' to protect against he who shall not be named.
The feast of Saint Nicholas is celebrated on 6 December, but according to the Bonifatiuswerk charity, there is a danger that young Germans prefer the Anglo-Saxon Father Christmas.
Bonifatiuswerk associate the red suited Anglo-Saxon character with the aspects of Christmas which are more commercial and less religious.
They argue that the original figure, Saint Nicholas, has more to him than gift giving.
For one thing, chocolate dolls of St Nick are made with fair trade chocolate.
And what's more in the spirit of Christ than that?