A year ago a group of friends in Vancouver banded together to form the 'Piece of S--t' Book Club™.
Some call them brave, others foolhardy. We think they're hilarious.
Founder Admiral Fartmore (not his real name) told i100.co.uk that he and friend Beau Dashington (also not his real name) had been forced to read the racist manifesto 'The Turner Diaries' as part of their studies, and the experience haunted them. "Over time, the book kept coming up in conversation, and we put back many-a-beer while talking about how truly awful it was," he said.
Beau suggested that we start a club where we try to read and review the worst things we can find. The prospect of making your friends read things you know they'll hate was too tempting to turn down.
The premise works thusly: each week, the reviewer is chosen according to a calendar. The other four then partake in a bet or competition to get to choose what literary turd the reviewer/victim has to endure for the next two weeks.
Adm Fartmore said that the group tries to cover as wide a range of genres and subject matter as possible, and to avoid debut novels, since everyone deserves a second chance.
While everything is terrible, Fartmore said the strangest book he's ever read is Jackals by Han Sorya, an early piece of North Korean propaganda about an evil American missionary family who murder a child over a playground dispute in the 1920s (and still one of the most popular novels in North Korea today).
The Americans murder a child in cold-blood because of a dispute over a ball. That is the story. I’m pretty confused as to how a man who conjured up the image of swollen-snake-belly-demon-titties couldn’t think of anything other than a f--king ball to pivot the story around. He doesn’t even say what kind of ball it is. It’s just a ball.
Other gems include:
- Ravished by the Triceratops by Christie Sims
I’ll start by recapping the story: our prehistoric protagonist, Bel, attempts to hunt a triceratops but ends up f--king it instead. Sims is thankfully brief on setting, character background, or whatever else kind of stuff you put in books, because she respects her reader and knows we all just want to get to the dino-banging.
- If I Did It? by OJ Simpson
The book is, as Orange Juice tells us, a story of love. It details the moment he first met the love of his life and fell head-over-heels, right up to the point that he fatally stabbed her.
- What If You Are A Horse In Human Form? by Jason the Horse
There’s a lot about this world that we simply don’t understand...This book tackles these issues head-on, and poses a question that those of us stuck in the rat-race rarely have time to ask: what if you were a horse and you didn’t realize it?
- Red Rain by R.L. Stein
Red Rain. The rain was red. Red was the colour of the rain. I read it (not readily).
- My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie
In regards to plot, I really didn’t pick up on anything. At one point Ebony has to go back in time and seduce Voldemort, which she of course does sexily. I presume this was a prevention measure to stop something terrible happening...
To review this work as a literary piece is simply not valid. This is not a book; it’s a testament to the failure of our public school system.
- On the Jews and their Lies by Martin Luther
At another point, the book is cut off with an editor’s note saying “Here Luther uncovers the deepest cause of the ever-recurring persecution of the Jews.” But it doesn’t actually say what that cause is. I would have thought that in a book advocating the persecution of the Jewish peoples, that this point would have been included given that it is the ontological founding principle of the book’s entire argument. But what the f--k do I know.
- Cracked by Eliza Crewe
A reference is suddenly made to the lack of a particular burger chain the UK. As far as we know, the protagonist has never been to the UK, so this is just a bout of random. Is the author trying to check whether we’re awake?!