This guy has been trolling Metro newspaper with his hilarious 'rush hour crush' fakes for years

Louis Dor
Tuesday 05 April 2016 12:50
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Original Picture: Dan Kitwood/Getty Images

Seamas O'Reilly is a freelance writer, who has an interesting hobby. He writes to Metro's Rush Hour Crush and Good Deed Feed with concocted stories. They're fantastic.

He got the idea to create farcical short tales by reading the Metro and discovering the sections - which are anonymous tales of good deeds and lovestruck glances on the London Underground - were his favourite part of the paper.

They have millions of people sending them and I really hope loads of them ARE fake because some of them are weapons grade creepy.

I got started writing them because I became addicted to the format - just these strange, tube-bound lunatics screaming lustfully into the void.

I went through a period of writing them pretty much every lunch time, or any time I couldn't face staring at emails or was procrastinating doing something in work.

You take five minutes to think of a joke you think is funny and the next morning 3 million people are reading it - that bit appealed to me.

Since he began writing them just over two years ago, he's seen a fair amount of success...

4 December 2013

13 November 2014

1 December 2014

In order to stay undiscovered as the writer behind the fantastical stories, Seamas had a few methods:

I'm going to presume that people who do the rush hour crush desk have a fairly high turnover, so sometimes something will be rebuffed and I'll send the exact same one in again and it'll get in.

For the web based submissions you can just make up an email, which is what I do for the most part.

I have maybe two dozen emails, but that's a whole other story.

7 January 2015

24 March 2015

22 July 2015

Seamas told indy100:

I've probably submitted 80-90, of which I have had published 19. And most of the ones that haven't made it in I've archived on my site too.

I started two years ago, the three years I was in London before that now feel like wasted time, obviously.

His favourite?

I really do like the Mr Chips one, which was the first one I ever got published.

However, his greatest Metro achievement is as follows:

I managed to get a rush hour crush and a good deed feed published on the same day.

Describing the same event from two different angles. That was huge.

9 September 2015

Picture: Seamas O'Reilly

He also records the entries that don't get published, of which this gem is his favourite:

I've submitted it maybe six times under different emails, always leaving it six months between tries.

However, after he was contacted by a Metro journalist regarding his sweary nutella labels, he fears his days gracing their pages may be numbered:

Since she was from the Metro, and I hadn't had a crush printed in months, I asked her to tell me if once and for all I'd been banned.

She was coy but I took her answer to mean they'd kind of put a stop to them after I'd been featured on a few blogs and magazines.

I do believe that they can probably spot silly ones, and often do but let them through.

I take this as definitive proof that it's clearly not that I've slowed down, run out of ideas or stopped being funny.

He still resubmits old ones, but as Seamas confesses:

It's harder and harder to think up new ones.

Truth is I used to do it every day, since before Christmas it's probably about every two weeks.

In the meantime, Seamas has been writing chortlesome longform reviews of the worst books he's ever read, including Morrissey's List of the Lost and Steve Bruce's mystery novel, STRIKER!.

You should definitely pay them a visit on his website, where you can also find all of his other Rush Hour Crush entries.

A spokesperson for Metro told indy100:

We’re delighted our Rush Hour Crush is so popular and such a big part of Britain’s morning commute. With 3.3million readers every day we get an awful lot of letters and, over the years, have brought together dozens of couples, and even celebrated a Rush Hour Crush wedding.

We wouldn’t ban anyone from sending in their crushes. The more love and laughter we can share, the better!

HT Telegraph

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