This is everything you've been doing wrong your whole life

Dina Rickman@dinarickman
Wednesday 01 April 2015 15:00

What connects packing, cooking bacon and flossing? They are just some of the many, many things you've been doing wrong. Your whole life. To help out, we've compiled a list of the tasks the internet has taught us all to perform more efficiently. You can thank us later.

1. Cutting pineapples

Watch this video and then tell us what you're going to do with all your new free time.

2. Flossing

Using your thumbs to control the floss when doing your upper teeth and your middle fingers for your lower teeth gives you more control, and lets you pick up speed. Now you know.

3. Cutting cake

If you want to have your cake and eat it properly, maths shows you should start cutting in the middle. That means you can keep the rest of your cake fresh by pushing the two slices back together.

4. Cooking bacon

Do you cook bacon like this?

Bad news. You're wrong. You can make a perfect sandwich with even amounts of bacon in it by thatching the meat together.

5. Playing rock paper scissors

Game theory indicates the best way to win at rock paper scissors is as follows:

  • If you win, play what your opponent just played as they will expect you to play the same thing again.

  • If you lose, play the thing that didn’t come up (e.g. if you lose to paper after playing rock, play scissors) because there is a high chance they will play the thing they won with.

6. Loading the dishwasher

This video has a host of tips, which can be summarised as:

  • Bowls should be stacked on a downward angles
  • Mix up forks, spoons and knives and place cutlery handles down
  • Be cautious not to block the water jets, tablet dispenser or the spray arms when loading the bottom half
  • With that in mind, put larger items towards the back and check the spray arms before turning the dishwasher

7. Wrapping presents

This can be done in 12 seconds, if you use clever angles.

8. Opening beer

It is possible to do this by folding up a piece of paper until it is strong enough to use instead of a bottle opener, as this video demonstrates.

9. Peeling oranges

Step one: Take orange. Step two: chop its ends off. Step three: slice it down the middle. Step 4: Rip, peel and enjoy.

10. Peeling eggs

This becomes much easier if you put a boiled egg in a glass of water first and then shake it.

11. Cutting onions

Peel the onion leaving the root intact, then make evenly spaced cuts. Like so:

12. Cooking pasta

Don't dump the pasta cooking water and don't rinse out your pasta with cold water. Instead you should cook pasta with the sauce for 60 seconds and add a spoon of starchy pasta sauce. Herbs go in last and should be mixed in with the pasta.

13. Packing

As this video shows, it is possible to get all your things in one small case - but you'll need a well-developed spatial sense. Bon voyage!

14. Shuffling cards

Do not try an overhand shuffle. You'll need to do this 10,000 times for it to be effective.

Instead try a technique used in poker called 'smooshing' for 60 seconds - which actually works.

15. Undressing

Taking your T-shirt off can be done with one hand. We have proof.

16. Eating chocolate digestives

Apparently this is supposed to be done upside down - with the chocolate on the bottom.

17. Cycling

There is a simple solution to women who want to cycle in skirts without showing the whole world their knickers. All you need is a penny and a rubber band.

18. Washing your face

Dermatologists have recommended using oil cleansing rather cream, telling Buzzfeed that it can rid your face of pore-clogging oils as "like dissolves like".

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