Three questions you need to ask before you're ready to fully commit to someone

Joe Vesey-Byrne
Saturday 29 October 2016 14:45
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The only thing worse than being with someone who won't commit, is being with someone who commits to you when they don't really want to.

Being that person is also terrible.

In addition to considering obvious matters such as whether or not to have children, where you will live, what sort of sex life to expect, here are three things to consider before commiting in a relationship you may not have considered.

The suggestions come from a variety of counselors, authors, and relationship therapists.

1. Do I trust them?

Do you trust them? It sounds obvious but for one thing, using an ultimatum to force someone to commit to you shows you don't trust them. Moreover, it shows you're not nearly intimate enough if you don't trust them with your secrets or things that are important to you.

According to author James Russell Lingerfelt, trust matters because:

If you don’t take care of it now, you’ll only resent them later.

2. Is religion going to be a problem?

Being open about your religion, and how strongly it influences your life, is important before committing.

This is more about guaging your own or your partner's tolerance for differing views than a need for unanimity. Women's Health quotes doctor Megan Fleming, who advises that:

You need to know whether or not your partner supports your views on religion, and most importantly, what beliefs he would want to pass on to children.

3. Are we good at doing nothing?

Sometimes you find an immediate spark with a person. The first few weeks and months feel like a rollercoaster. You share so many new experiences together, you try things you'd never imagined you would. And then, things slow down, you spend some time just in one another's company, doing nothing, and you wonder where all the fun went.

Being able to do nothing together, and a lot of relationships are about doing nothing, is crucial to making commitment work.

Speaking to the Today Show, psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein extolled the benefits of doing nothing, especially in a world when lots of couples lead busy and hectic lives.

What’s being sacrificed is a lot of couples’ mindfulness — the idea of being present, sensing each other, being able to stay in the place of expressing gratitude for each other. These are really important components of relationships maintenance.

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