Someone recently wrote to an agony aunt claiming that they were considering giving up their children in order to get married. Yes, really.
Not to go into the business of shaming women into keeping children, but we only know the circumstances given to us, and this is how one agony aunt letter chose to represent their case.
The writer, who called themselves 'Feeling Stuck' wrote to Dear Wendy
I’m a 30-year-old divorcee with a son. I have joint custody with my ex-husband.
My boyfriend, who is also divorced, has a daughter who is under the sole custody of his ex-wife. I only get to spend time with my son on alternate weekends and my boyfriend doesn’t see his daughter at all. My boyfriend already proposed to me, but, one month after proposing, he wants me to give up seeing my son.
That should be the end of it right? She says no, they work it out, or the fiance moves on after his ridiculous demand.
No, there is more:
I did tell him that my parents want to spend time with my son too and they can only do that on the alternate weekends I see him. He told me that he wants to go overseas to work and meanwhile I can use this period to think about whether I want to give up my son for him. I have thought of giving up my son after we married, but how am I supposed to answer to my parents?
Her worry is what her parents will think?!
My mother has depression and my father has cancer. I don’t want them to be sad knowing that they will lose a grandson.
How thoughtful of you.
My boyfriend told me when we started dating that he could not accept my son, and I know not all men can. I’m actually prepared to give up my son after marriage, but my boyfriend wants me to do it right now.
Really should have made clear this was a 'when' question, rather than a 'should I do this awful thing?' question.
The line: 'I know not all men can' is also deeply troubling.
I want to be with my boyfriend and yet I can’t bear to let my parents feel sad because of their illnesses. I also have a mother’s guilt in me because my son loves me so much. What should I do?
Luckily, 'Wendy' had some good, sweary advice.
Yeah, no sh*t you have 'mother’s guilt.'
A strong start Wendy.
You’re willing to give up the little bit of time you have with your son, which is already a depressingly small amount, for a monster of a man who doesn’t see his own child and doesn’t think you should see yours?
Shame on you.
Are you so lonely and so desperate for a husband that you would cast away your own child? Apparently so.
Please, please get yourself to therapy and figure out what the f*ck is wrong with you that you would behave in such an appalling, disgraceful way.
I’m not even touching on your parents. That you would use them and their illnesses as the main reason to maybe keep seeing you son occasionally speaks volumes. Get help.
Wendy. You goddess.