Some helpful advice for some of Hollywood's struggling elite.
She’s about as convincing an “ordinary person” as a Made in Chelsea cast member, so she should play to her outlandish strengths and become a camp icon.
One of Hollywood’s most likeable IRL presences, but has barely made a decent film this millennium. She should do a Matthew McConaughey. Who better to take comeback inspiration from than another surfer-hippyish star who showed flashes of greatness before getting mired in romcom drek?
He should do a superhero movie: superheroes must be “humanised” in today’s adaptations. And how more human – i.e. miserably flawed – can you get then a standard-issue Vaughn obnoxious man-child?
He should make “Being Tom Cruise”, the postmodern, self-reflexive drama we’ve all been waiting for. There are, after all, few questions that nag the modern consciousness more than what the hell is going on inside Tom Cruise’s head?
She suffers from the worst Oscar curse this side of Cuba Gooding Jnr: since she won for Walk the Line in 2005, her credits have ranged in awfulness from Four Christmases to Water for Elephants. She should make a television sitcom. Witherspoon can be a great comic actress, and everyone knows the best comedy writers are going small-screen these days.
As his sorcerous hold on audiences is finally slipping, he should work with Darren Aronofsky, who could be the one to do something really dark and interesting with the comic’s erratic energy.