Sometimes, going away on your own, without the children in tow may seem like an impossible task.
This is made more difficult still, with the prospect of leaving your little ‘uns in the care of someone probably not used to 24 hour care, in this instance: dad.
Meghan Maza Oeser, a photographer from Illinois felt acutely aware of the hot water she was leaving her husband in, looking after the kids for the weekend.
So she wrote him a… helpful note…
Nighttime, daytime, breakfast time, and somewhere around lunchtime can easily be mistaken for pure HELL, with Satan coming off as a My Little Pony in comparison.
Oeser tries to ease her husband into the hell that awaits him:
Upon arriving home after work, things won't seem so bad. The others will hug, jump, and for the most part, be pretty excited to see you. This will be short lived... I promise. School season or not... this is also known as hell hour.
Dinnertime, Oeser warns, will be an exercise in futility:
Quinn will cry when you say the word hotdog, and will insist on Mac n cheese (but not the orange kind or the white kind, but the purple kind). We'll be fresh out of the purple kind, so she'll then ask for toast. You'll already have started making mac n cheese for Penny, but since she heard Quinn ask for toast, she'll also want that toast. You'll end up tossing the mac n cheese because Bailey got the stomach flu 5 years ago after eating the orange kind, and Harper prefers the white kind. You'll also forget about Harper because her friend Lily 'unexpectedly' stopped by, so they went ripsticking down the street. Everyone will eat cereal for dinner, and Lily will come inside for a bandaid.
Bedtime appears to be a slow spiral into the darkness...
Good. Fucking. Luck, buddy.
Pajamas. FUCK pajamas. Don't even ATTEMPT anything but a nightgown for Penny. And if you cannot find a nightgown for Penny, keep fucking looking. She'll ask for her Minnie Mouse nightgown, but once you put it on, she'll scream in agony because the sleeves are CLEARLY ripping her fucking arms off. Just find her Elsa one. Chances are, it's dirty as shit, but so what...so is she.
And sleep an allusive memory...
Quinn, Harper, and Bailey will... act as if they've just walked 800 fucking miles through the Sahara. They will come down...one by one...every god damned 5 minutes...for water.
You'll end up bringing Penny to bed with you...if she was a real dick that day, add some frankincense. Set the light to PURPLE.
Don't forget her fan. That girl sweats like a whore in church that just ate 12 beef sandwiches.
Oh, also...just in case you wanted to get ANYTHING done this weekend...good fucking luck.