Facebook CEO and founder Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan had a healthy baby girl last week, and have decided to give away $45billion worth of shares over their lifetimes to mark her entry into the world.
In an open letter on Facebook to their baby, called Max, Zuckerberg wrote:
Like all parents, we want you to grow up in a world better than ours today. Your mother and I don't yet have the words to describe the hope you give us for the future...
You've already given us a reason to reflect on the world we hope you live in.
Many people joked that the Facebook baby announcement was one of the worst of the genre, combining, as it did, humble-bragging, #blessedness, and baby pictures.
It's also been pointed out that the new Chan-Zuckerberg Initiative is actually an LLC rather than a charity, and Facebook could be giving back to society already by paying its taxes properly.
The news team at The Daily Show have managed to nail these issues with a simple - yet effective - lampoon: writing a letter back from the POV of baby Max:
Dear Mom and Dad,
First, if you have something to say, you can say it to my face instead of posting it on the internet for the whole goddamn world to see.
Second, congrats on out-humble-bragging the world. Seriously, how can anyone else post to Facebook about their newborn child when you’ve set the bar at GIVING AWAY 45 BILLION DOLLARS IN FACEBOOK SHARES TO CURE DEATH or whatever crazy world salvation and tax evasion was in that long essay?
Third, what are you doing? Those were going to be my shares, and you’re giving them to charity? And not just any charity, your own charity which technically isn’t even a charity, but a limited liability corporation?? SMH.
I get it. I’m going to be rich for the rest of my life with nothing to worry about (other than the fact I will be the most observed person on the planet with literally everyone being aware of every move I make for the rest of my life), but come on dudes! Don’t take the one thing that was going to be cool about being your kid (the money!!!) and warp it into me being responsible for fixing the world that your generation and the Baby Boomers fucked up. That’s totally on you guys.
P.S. Dad, please don’t ever milk me for retweets again. Yeah, I said “retweets,” asshole. I wish I was Jack Dorsey’s or Ev Williams’s daughter. Now change my diaper, I just wrecked it.