What makes women happy, according to ridiculous new survey

What makes you happy, girls?

Buying new things? Receiving flowers? Men paying for dinner?

Or is this the humdinger of all humdingers, when you notice you've lost weight you horrible beast?

According to a new (and arguably completely pointless) study from OnePulse, it sure as heck is.

In a poll of a whopping great 850 men and women, the mobile app company asked female respondents what makes them happy from the following list:

• Noticing you've lost weight
• Buying new items
• Receiving flowers
• Having your favourite takeaway
• Hotel or transport upgrades
• Having a bottle of wine at lunch
• Social media followers
• Other half paying for dinner

They asked male respondents to do the same, but from a slightly different, but no less ridiculous list:

• Buying new items
• Noticing you've lost weight
• Having your favourite takeaway
• Watching football on TV
• Hotel or Transport upgrades
• Having a beer at lunch
• Social media followers
• Other half paying for dinner

Women don't drink beer, silly.

Men also hate flowers, duh.

It turns out, a staggering 24 per cent of women get a kick out of noticing they've shed those gross excess pounds women's mags are always going on about.

The same amount find happiness in buying stuff.

Men like buying stuff too, with 25 per cent of male participants citing "buying new items" as the thing that made them happiest from the list.

Coming in at a close second with 20 per cent was "having your favourite takeaway".

In sum, if this is by any means a reflection on the state of humanity then stop the planet, we want to get off.

More:These women have a message for sexist beauty standards