What is ‘tolyamory’? And why has it become a new relationship trend?

Tolyamory is the newest relationship trend but what is it and what does it mean for couples in relationships?

While most people have heard of polyamory – where people in relationships consensually have multiple sexual partners – a new relationship type dubbed “tolyamory” is reportedly on the rise.

The term is a portmanteau deriving from the words “tolerate” and “polyamory”. It was coined by the sex and relationship columnist and podcaster Dan Savage, and refers to a relationship in which one party tolerates, or turns a blind eye to, the other person’s outside sexual relations.

One woman named Kathy (not her real name) who has experienced tolyamory in her marriage of 30 years spoke to the Daily Mail about her situation.

Kathy revealed that her husband does not try to hide his other mistresses and she has even had to hold the hair back of one of them who was being sick in her bathroom.

“You could be forgiven for thinking I’d taken leave of my senses in looking after such a woman,” Kathy explained. “I’m sure most wives would have sent her packing, at the very least.

“But she isn’t the first, and she certainly won’t be the last woman my husband has had an affair with.”

Kathy revealed she is aware of at least six women her husband has had affairs with. She has even lied to her daughter to protect her husband’s reputation after she saw her father with one of the women.

When it comes to the term “tolyamory”, Kathy argues “it is just a fashionable word for betrayal”.

But, she said that while her husband’s affairs hurt her, it isn’t enough to make her leave him and tear their lives apart.

She explained: “As a result, I’ve kept my handsome husband, who has supported me so much in my life, along with my standing in the community and my beautiful home.”

“But living this way has also eroded my self-worth to the point where I no longer feel I have the strength to start again on my own,” she continued.

“The truth is, I don’t want to leave my home and my life – why should I have to leave because of his behaviour?”

Sign up for our free indy100 weekly newsletter

How to join the indy100's free WhatsApp channel

Have your say in our news democracy. Click the upvote icon at the top of the page to help raise this article through the indy100 rankings