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Becca Monaghan
Dec 22, 2021
If there were a competition for the worst jokes, there would be a face-off between Penguin bars, Christmas crackers and dads across the nation.
Christmas cracker jokes are almost brilliant because they’re so unexplainably bad. Either you’re faced with a table full of forced laughter or alternatively, the look of dismay as if you were the one who wrote it. Don’t shoot the messenger.
While it shouldn’t be up to you to bring the Christmas banter, let’s face it, cracker manufacturers definitely don’t have your back.
So, here are our favourite Christmas jokes that are bound to make people laugh – or crack a smile at least.
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I think it was from my Uncle Ben.I got a Christmas card full of rice in the post today.
They’re free of charge!Did you hear Tesco is giving away dead batteries for Christmas?
The Who.What’s the Grinch’s least favourite band?
No Brussels.What did 52% of Brits order for Christmas dinner?
Because he struggles in the poles.Why doesn’t Jeremy Corbyn ever visit Santa?
A broken drum—you just can’t beat it!What is the best possible holiday present?
Because she’s a swede-dish campaigner.Why is Greta Thunberg boycotting parsnips and carrots at Christmas?
He needed Christmas spirit.Why did the Grinch rob the liquor store?
A melt.What do you call a snowman who goes on Love Island?
The Ghost of Christmas passed.How did Scrooge win the football game?
It takes a miracle to find three wise men there.Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem?
She sleighs.Why do reindeer like Beyoncé so much?
He got 25 days.Did you hear about the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He was picking his nose!Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
A rebel without a Claus.What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
Nothing—it was on the house!How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Elf-is Presley!Who is Santa’s favourite singer?
You can always sense his presents.How do you know when Santa’s around?
A pineapple!What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad?
The turkey—he’s always stuffed.Who is never hungry at Christmas?
Christmas cracker jokes: The gifts that keeps on giving.
Top 100
