Dad upset after his mother-in-law holds his newborn baby before him

A man has told of how he’s hurt that his mother-in-law held his newborn child before he did.

Posting to the JustNoMIL subreddit, a forum where people can vent about their mothers-in-law, the man told of how he and his mother-in-law were with his wife in the maternity suite during the birth.

After witnessing his daughter’s birth, the man cut the umbilical cord before the nurse placed the baby on the mother’s chest.

The nurse then wiped the newborn down and had her swaddled and ready to be held, and the mother-in-law “reached out and grabbed her” before the new dad had a chance to.

He said that after a moment of “realisation”, she realised and handed the baby girl to her dad.

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He wrote: “I'm having a hard time getting over this. And I can't bring myself to tell anyone I know because quite frankly it's embarrassing for me in a way I suppose.”

Providing extra context, he said this is the mother-in-law’s fifth grandchild, but the first from her daughter.

He added that his mother-in-law is “abrasive to say the least” and “overstays her welcome” in his eyes, but his wife and her mom are close.

He also said that his daughter was born on 5 April, and his wife is still recovering. He did bring it up once, but said it’s probably too soon to bring it up again.

In the comments, one Redditor wrote that as a mum of two, she understands that “these moments really matter, even if you rationally know it shouldn’t”. She highlighted that typically the first person to hold a baby is a midwife or doctor, and added that he probably shouldn’t say anything to his wife as she’s still recovering.

She added: “However, and I cannot stress this enough, your feelings are valid and you deserve to have someone to talk to about them. I really feel that not enough is done to look after the non-birthing parent.”

She continued: “You are also ok to mourn the loss of the moment: learning to live with and get past Big Feelings is one of the many things that you will need to teach your kiddo in the future!

"It’s a really great sign that you are worrying about this, because it means you really really care.”

Another commenter said that when her daughter, now 21, was born she was ill and had dozens of people who held her before she could.

But she said: “When she is sad, it’s me she comes to, not the people who held her first. When she was growing up, it was me who held her when she was sad or sick or whatever. I get that you wanted to be first, but it was just one moment in a lifetime of moments. Don’t dwell on this one moment, enjoy the millions to come.”

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