A husband has been criticised for complaining that his wife - who is a stay at home mum - should "just get on with her job" after she expressed how she feels like she's being "treated like a servant."
The 36-year-old husband decided to turn to Reddit's "Am I the A**hole?" subreddit to find out whether or not he has unreasonable expectations for his 32-year-old wife who looks after their 2-year-old twins.
In his post, he noted how they both agreed that the wife would be a stay at home mum because they don't have family or grandparents nearby, and added "my wife made it clear she wanted to enjoy seeing our kids grow up (we don't plan on having any more)."
He continued to provide further context, that he is on a "good wage so we are comfortable," meaning that he doesn't give his wife spending limits and ensures she has access to money and she "takes care of everything around the house."
"I work from home and a typical day for me is 7am - 5pm," he explained. "Once I finish work, I go and spend time with the twins while my wife makes dinner. We put them to bed together and my wife usually clears up in the kitchen.
The husband described how his wife is "great at her job and the house is spotless" and how he was "happy with this arrangement" but his wife doesn't feel the same and recently has said to him that she feels "burned out, unappreciated and taken for granted."
"I asked if I could do anything to help and she said that it would be nice if I did something now and again to show that I appreciated her. E.g. buying her favourite bar of chocolate when I go to the shop or something small, just as a gesture of appreciation. I'll admit that I didn't do this, purely because I am not in the habit to be honest," he wrote.
This issue also caused a "massive argument" between them as his wife was "fed up" with being "treated like a servant". "She basically said that her working hours are 5am - 9pm, 7 days a week and that she feels like I take her for granted."
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In response to her communicating her issue, the husband told her: "I understand it's a tough job but we both get on with our respective roles."
He added: "I never ask her to thank me for making money, I think that's cringeworthy. I get on with my job because I have to provide for my family whereas she wants presents and treats for doing her job."
"I essentially said this to her and now I'm wondering if I am the a**hole - looking after kids and the house is tiring and she does work hard and takes care of everything. But at the same time, do I need to thank her on bended knee and buy her things just for doing her job? AITA?"
Since sharing his dilemma, the husband's post has received over 7,000 upvotes and over 2,000 comments where people have been voicing their opinions on the matter - and the verdict seems pretty unanimous.
One person wrote: "YTA [You're the a**hole]. Jesus Christ, it's really too much to ask to occasionally buy your wife a bar of chocolate or say "thank you"?
"It sounds like she is working harder than you, but that isn't even the point. Appreciating her and showing her you love her is part of being a decent husband. If you're a robot who doesn't need appreciation, that doesn't mean she has to be too."
"YTA It's amazing- it's like your wife wants to treated like a wife and partner, instead of an incubator/nanny/housekeeper," another person said.
"Your wife is telling explicitly what she needs- she needs you to show her that she's appreciated. You are told- in a variety of ways at your job- that you are appreciated, I have no doubt. Your wife expecting that low bar to be met is reasonable."
Someone else added: "YTA. Dude, c’mon. Being a SAHM is a 24/7 job. She’s on the clock constantly, whereas it sounds like you come home, spend a little time with the kids, put them to bed with her help, and then get to relax."
"YTA. She's your WIFE not an employee. Try treating her like the woman you love, not a subordinate," a fourth person replied.
After seeing the comments unanimously inform him that he was in fact being an a**hole, the husband sheepishly provided an update in his post and wrote:
"Ok, you can all stop tearing me a new a**hole. I get it. I do get to relax at the weekend whereas my wife usually does her normal routine and gets on top of the cleaning etc. Just for the record, I do thank her for everything she does - I say thank you all the time but I understand that this may not be her love language."
Hopefully, he's heeded the advice of the Redditors and no longer takes his wife for granted.