Today Donald Trump announced he was running for president. In honour of Trump's (very) slim chance of become the most powerful man in the world, we have trawled through his old tweets. Kristen Stewart fans, look away now.
On Obama:
If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country—I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 10, 2014Obama is, without question, the WORST EVER president. I predict he will now do something really bad and totally stupid to show manhood!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 6, 2014This election is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 7, 2012I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 14, 2012Robert Pattinson should not take back Kristen Stewart. She cheated on him like a dog & will do it again--just watch. He can do much better!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 17, 2012Robert I'm getting a lot of heat for saying you should dump Kristen- but I'm right. If you saw the Miss Universe girls you would reconsider.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 18, 2012So many tweets & stories on Stewart/Pattinson Look, it doesn't matter-- the relationship will never be the same. It is permanently broken.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 19, 2012Everyone knows I am right that Robert Pattinson should dump Kristen Stewart. In a couple of years, he will thank me. Be smart, Robert.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 22, 2012Everyone is asking me to speak more on Robert & Kristen.I don't have time except to say "Robert, drop her, she cheated on you & will again!"
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 23, 2012Everybody wants me to talk about Robert Pattinson and not Brian Williams—I guess people just don’t care about Brian!
After Friday’s Twilight release, I hope Robert Pattinson will not be seen in public with Kristen--she will cheat on him again!
On Katy Perry:
.@katyperry must have been drunk when she married Russell Brand @rustyrockets – but he did send me a really nice letter of apology!
.@katyperry Katy, what the hell were you thinking when you married loser Russell Brand. There is a guy who has got nothing going, a waste!
.@katyperry I watched Russell Brand and I think his mind is fried - he looks really bad. Russell is a total joke, a dummy who is lost!
.@katyperry is no bargain but I don't like John Mayer--he dates and tells--be careful Katy (just watch!).
On Fred West:
On Arianna Huffington:
.@ariannahuff is unattractive both inside and out. I fully understand why her former husband left her for a man- he made a good decision.
On Ebola:
President Obama - close down the flights from Ebola infected areas right now, before it is too late! What the hell is wrong with you?
The U.S. cannot allow EBOLA infected people back. People that go to far away places to help out are great-but must suffer the consequences!
On Scotland:
.@AlexSalmond, Wind turbines are ripping your country apart and killing tourism.Electric bills in Scotland are skyrocketing-stop the madness
On Anthony Weiner:
Pervert alert. @RepWeiner is back on twitter. All girls under the age of 18, block him immediately.
And finally, to all his haters:
Amazing how the haters & losers keep tweeting the name “F**kface Von Clownstick” like they are so original & like no one else is doing it...
More: The best description of Donald Trump we've ever heard, from Jon Stewart