Adoptive mother writes powerful open letter to woman who shamed her for 'spoiling' her baby

Lowenna Waters
Tuesday 28 August 2018 09:15
discover
Picture:(Halfpoint / iStock Getty )

Have you ever looked at someone and made a snap judgement about them, without knowing the full story? If you have, then you should read this.

Adoptive mother Kelly Dirkes was minding her own business doing her weekly shop in Target, with her daughter strapped close to her chest.

Out of nowhere, a woman approached her, and said that by carrying her daughter, Dirkes would 'spoil that baby' and that the baby would 'never learn to be independent'.

She didn't respond aggressively, but simply smiled and continued with her shopping, after kissing her baby's head. However, inside, she was hurting.

Dirkes, who regularly adopts children with Down's syndrome, took to Facebook after the event, and wrote an open letter to the judgemental woman.

The letter has obviously resonated with other women, as it has now been shared more than 31,000 times.

Read the letter in full:

Dear Woman in Target-

I've heard it before, you know. That I 'spoil that baby'. You were convinced that she'd never learn to be 'independent'. I smiled at you, kissed her head, and continued my shopping.

If you only knew what I know.

If you only knew how she spent the first ten months of her life utterly alone inside a sterile metal crib, with nothing to comfort her other than sucking her fingers.

If you only knew what her face looked like the moment her orphanage caregiver handed her to me to cradle for the very first time--fleeting moments of serenity commingled with sheer terror. No one had ever held her that way before, and she had no idea what she was supposed to do.

If you only knew that she would lay in her crib after waking and never cry--because up until now, no one would respond.

If you only knew that anxiety was a standard part of her day, along with banging her head on her crib rails and rocking herself for sensory input and comfort.

If you only knew that that baby in the carrier is heartbreakingly "independent" --and how we will spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years trying to override the part of her brain that screams 'trauma' and 'not safe'.

If you only knew what I know.

If you only knew that that baby now whimpers when she's put down instead of when she is picked up.

If you only knew that that baby 'sings' at the top of her lungs in the mornings and after her nap, because she knows that her chatter will bring someone to lift her out of her crib and change her diaper.

If you only knew that that baby rocks to sleep in her Mama's or her Papa's arms instead of rocking herself.

If you only knew that that baby made everyone cry the day she reached out for comfort, totally unprompted.

If you only knew what I know.

'Spoiling that baby' is the most important job I will ever have, and it is a privilege. I will carry her for a little while longer--or as long as she'll let me--because she is learning that she is safe. That she belongs. That she is loved.

If you only knew...

Many followers left messages of support for the mother.

One commented:

I think that there are tens of thousands who now agree with you! How cool is it that the world is learning about orphans with special needs because a momma wrote it on FB.

Another said:

That was beautiful, and brought tears to my eyes.

A third summed it up:

Thank you for sharing this. I am welling up with emotions. First of all, what a beautiful little girl! Secondly, why are people so quick to judge!? Lastly, you're amazing!

More: Man gets tattoo of his brother that has Down syndrome and his reaction is priceless

More: This is the true story behind the viral picture of the Pope and a girl with Down's syndrome

TODO: define component type apester

Trending