This is what it means to be demisexual

Narjas Zatat@Narjas_Zatat
Sunday 20 November 2016 14:00
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(Picture: m-gucci/Getty)

In the past couple of years, our understanding of sexuality has widened to encompass more than simply ‘heterosexual’ and LGBT.

Washington Post writer Meryl Williams wrote a piece about what being a ‘demisexual’ means and how she discovered her own sexuality:

Years ago, I would feel guilty for frustrating the people I was dating. I didn’t want to feel as if I needed to explain to people why I wasn’t ready to be intimate… I generally put intellect and sense of humour over how “attractive” someone is. If a guy doesn’t say anything offensive and makes me laugh on a first date, I’ll probably go on a second. Still, I know that a person’s positive attributes don’t necessarily guarantee that a physical attraction will follow. I just have to be patient and see what happens.

According to Demisexuality.org - a bastion of articles, books and forums for demisexuals - their partners, friends and families:

Demisexuality is a state in which one feels sexual attraction only after forming an emotional connection.

In other words, demisexuals do not feel sexual attraction towards a member of the opposite (or same) sex without first forming a strong emotional bond with their partner of interest.

And while sexual orientation and sexual preference differs person-to-person, there are unique challenges associated with demisexuality.

The prevalence of 'hook up culture' and society’s encouragement to get physically intimate early on in a relationship meant that Williams, and probably other people identifying with the sexuality, mistook their lack of interest in sex as a sign of asexuality.

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