Identities

Advice on how to deal with being outed before you are ready

Advice on how to deal with being outed before you are ready
Kit Connor and Joe Locke ('Heartstopper') on showing young queer people that …
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Heartstopperactor Kit Connor has shared on Twitter how he was "forced" to publicly come out as bisexual.

The 18-year-old who had previously taken a break from the platform returned on Monday (October 31) to answer speculation about his sexuality and accusations of queer-baiting.

"Back for a minute. I'm bi. Congrats for forcing an 18-year-old to out himself. I think some of you missed the point of the show. Bye," he tweeted implying he only came out due to the

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Connor plays Nick Nelson in the popular Netflix series, who forms a blossoming friendship with Charlie, played by Joe Locke which turns into a romance as his character comes to the realisation he is bisexual.

Previously, Connor attempted to put to bed online speculation around his sexuality with a tweet in May this year where he wrote: "Twitter is so funny man. Apparently, some people on here know my sexuality better than I do…"

Amid this recent news, there are some who may relate to Connor in regards to feeling forced to reveal their sexuality publicly before they were ready which can impact the mental health of the person being outed.

Here is some advice on how to deal with this situation and things to remember:

You are not alone

Always remember no matter what you're feeling at this time, you are not alone. There are many queer people who have been outed and have their own stories to tell, and with Connor's recent tweet even some celebrities have sadly experienced this too.

Don't feel pressured to respond

"If you are outed you may feel you want to gain control of the situation, but you don't owe anyone anything so don't feel pressured into confirming what's being said about you if you're not ready to," Wayne Desi, founder of LGBT+ charity R U Coming Out said.

"Speaking to someone about what's happened will make the situation easier and if you choose someone close to you who you trust, they will hopefully be happy to listen rather than pry.

He continued: "The most important thing to consider is both your physical and emotional wellbeing.

"You might choose to use the opportunity to come out but only do this if you have people around you who can support you and if you feel emotionally prepared to do so.

"You also have the absolute right to say nothing. Always remember, you have done nothing wrong by either being LGBT+ or by being outed. You are not obliged to defend yourself or confirm rumours.

"Take time to work out what is best for you and take a look at how other people came out by visiting rucomingout.com."

Knowing when to ask for help

Being outed is a tough experience for anyone to go through, and it's OK to seek support whether that be in school or at work through a Wellbeing Officer or seeking help from a therapist.

Organisations such as LGBT+ charity R U Coming Out can provide some helpful resources too.

Talk to your support network

During this difficult time, it's important that you have someone to talk to about your feelings and your sexuality if you feel comfortable speaking on this topic with a loved one

Talking to someone helps to prevent bottling up feelings or emotions, and can allow you to share your story in your own way.

Connect with new people

Thanks to the internet there are many groups and organisations where you can seek comfort from, and where you can reach out to people who may have gone through a similar experience to you.

Keep active

Ensuring that you are keeping active is a good way to stop isolating yourself and take your mind off the situation by doing things you enjoy and continuing with your routine in school or work will help to ease your mind.

Come out again in your own way

While some things may have happened that were out of your control, taking back your own narrative and situation might make you feel better.

This could be through a social media post, one-to-one talk, or a text, anyway your feel comfortable - although someone has revealed this part of yourself, you get to have the last word on the matter that your identity is yours and only yours.

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