When will Brexit actually happen, if ever?

Britain was supposed to have left the European Union by now. As you might have noticed, we have comprehensively failed to do so.

The big moment long-promised to Brexiteer gammons was 11pm on Friday 29 March 2019.

That date has now been and gone, with Theresa May's hated Withdrawal Agreement voted down again and again in the House of Commons and eight alternative options each in turn failing to find a parliamentary majority.

Brussels, with infinite patience, finally granted a short extension of Friday 12 April, giving the UK two additional weeks to solve what is arguably the most complex and nightmarish bureaucratic entanglement the international political scene has ever encountered.

The protracted legal case of Jarndyce vs Jarndyce at the heart of Charles Dickens' novel Bleak House (1853) looks rudimentary by comparison.

At present, the government appears no closer to resolving the deadlock and Theresa May has now written to the EU requesting a further extension to 30 June 2019.

She has rather optimistically told her European counterparts our MPs could agree a deal as soon as 23 May, meaning the UK would not need to field candidates in the upcoming European parliamentary elections.

May appears to believe sitting down with Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn will prove the key to formulating a "shared vision" for Britain's future.

The prime minister could have asked for even longer, with European Council president Donald Tusk saying he is open to a 12-month "flextension".

However, French president Emmanuel Macron has already thrown a spanner in the works by saying the UK should be granted no further extensions without a clear plan in place.

If the EU does not consent to that 30 June request - the UK could crash out of Europe with no deal next Friday.

If it does, the honest answer is: who knows?

Assuming May doesn't resign or call a snap general election, we could resolve matters to everyone's satisfaction and leave before the European elections (which seems distinctly unlikely), she could grind out negotiations and finally win an agreement in time for midsummer or she could seek yet another extension.

And who knows what date might be agreed to then? 31 December 2019? 31 March 2020? 29 March 3019??

The ice caps will probably have melted away by then and we'll all be huddled on giant aircraft carriers drifting aimlessly on an endless ocean anyway.

Fun while it lasted though eh?

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