Gareth Bale, having a right laugh. Picture: Stu Forster/Getty Images
Gareth Bale, having a right laugh. Picture: Stu Forster/Getty Images

We don't actually mean you won't get these unless you're Welsh; but if you are, you're guaranteed to appreciate them.

And not a single one involves sheep.

1. A Russian spy was dropped by parachute in the Welsh hills with instructions to contact Mr Jones in the small village of Llanfair and give him the coded message: “The tulips are blooming well today.”

Arriving at the village he asked a boy where Mr Jones lived and was directed to a small cottage.

He knocked on the door and the owner emerged: “Are you Mr Jones?”

“I am.”

“The tulips are blooming well today.”

Mr Jones stared at him in amazement then smiled: “Ah, you must have the wrong house.

“It's Jones the Spy you want.”

2. An Englishman travelling on a very dark night in the Welsh mountains heard a cry for help from someone who had fallen into a ravine near the road.

"Who is it?" he replied cautiously, fearing a trap.

"Dafydd ap Gwilym ap Rhys AP Gruffydd ap Ifan ap Jenkyn", came the response.

"Well", rejoined the Englishman, "if there's half a dozen of you down there you can jolly well pull one another out."

3. How do Welsh people eat cheese?

Caerphilly.

4. In the Bible, God made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

That’s a pretty good summer for Wales.

5. A man went to the doctor with a strange complaint.

"Well, it's like this Doc. when I drive to work in the morning through the country lanes I start to sing 'The Green Green Grass of Home'. If I see a cat then it's 'What's new, pussy cat?'. It's so embarrassing: even when I'm asleep and dreaming, I still keep singing. Last night, it was 'Delilah', and my wife was not amused!"

"It would appear that you have the early symptoms of Tom Jones syndrome," said the doctor.

"Well I've never heard of that, is it common?" asked the man.

"It's not unusual."

6.There's a sleepy little town in mid-Wales called Llandyfnod.

7. My husband asked me if I was having an affair with a man from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch.

I said: “How can you say such a thing?”

8. Dai is at the car boot sale when an American tourist comes by. Pointing to a skull on display in Dai's car, he says: “Whose skull is that?”

“That,” says Dai profoundly, “is the skull of Owain Glyndwr. It's yours for £10.”

“Incredible,” says the American. “I'll take it.”

The next week, Dai is at the car boot sale when the same American walks past and notices a much smaller skull for sale.

“Whose skull is that?” asks the American.

“That,” says Dai in a practised voice, “is the skull of Owain Glyndwr.”

“Hang on,” says the American. “You sold me the skull of Owain Glyndwr last week.”

“Aye,” says Dai. “This is when he was a boy.”

9. A Welshman, Scot and Englishman are walking when they come across a lantern and a genie pops out and offers to grant them one wish each.

The Scot says: “I am a sheep herder, like my dad before me. I want my country to be full of lovely sheep farms.” Whoosh, and so it was.

The Englishman was amazed and asked: “I want a wall around England to keep those damned Scots and Welsh out.” Bang, there was a wall around England.

The Welshman says: “Tell me more about this wall.”

The genie says: “It’s 200 feet high, 100 feet thick, it goes all around England, and nothing can get in or out.”

The Welshman says: “Fill it with water.”

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