Gay groom branded 'homophobic' for banning polyamorous brother from his wedding

A man has defended excluding his own brother from his wedding, blaming his approach to sex and relationships.

The Reddit user, 27, said that whilst he and his family are strictly monogamous and don’t like the idea of "one night stands" or polyamory, “this doesn’t apply to my brother”.

In a lengthy post, he explained that he and his fiancé of nine years are getting married on 13 June and that their wedding will be a “five-day affair for family and friends” with some “600+ people” invited to the main event.

However, his brother won’t be one of them.

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“My brother has problems with sex and committing to a person,” he wrote. “In high school he was caught in an orgy in the locker room, he was almost kicked out of university because he had sex with his professor and he currently is in a relationship with three guys and they organise orgies with other people.

“He still lives like a 20-year-old teenager and he currently works as a bartender and stripper because his previous job was ‘boring’ (he was a physiotherapist).

“We also think he sometimes does sex work so we hold him at an arm’s length as a family.”

The 27-year-old who, like his brother is gay, went on: “I think he still doesn't get the memo of ‘You do you but we are not obliged to approve your every choice.’ (And no, he isn't abused or has a medical (physical or mental) condition, he is just really turned on.)

“As a natural result, I didn't invite him and his ‘partners’ to the wedding. I specifically sent a letter to him saying he wasn't invited and he will be escorted out if he or his partners show up to the wedding.

“He put the letter on his social media and now I am being bashed by random people and I get 100s of DMs every day saying we are prudes and homophobics.”

The original poster (OP) ended by asking the AITA forum if he was in the wrong over his harsh actions, and the response was an overwhelming “yes”.

“It's not your life - it is your brother's,” one critic commented. “You are going to lose him over being judgmental for something which is none of your business. Sounds like he would be better off without you and I can't blame him for publishing that letter.”

Another pointed out: “As a queer person, I wish I had a queer sibling. Being able to understand and support one another in a way most other people wouldn’t. Instead, OP is deciding to shame him because of ‘lifestyle’ choices. Yet I bet OP would be so offended if people said they didn’t want him around because of his ‘gay lifestyle’.”

Others defended the rights and behaviours of polyamorous people, with one writing: “A big chunk of my friend group is poly, and they're some of the best people I know. I was hanging with a few last night, and lemme tell you, there's something wonderfully wholesome about watching your friend laugh and joke around with his wife's boyfriend (who has a husband of his own). Love is love is love.”

Fellow Redditors hit out at the OP's condemnation of polyamoryiStock

Another said: “Responsible poly people are freaking amazing. Really respectful and caring, and genuinely just want people to be happy and healthy.”

Meanwhile, others psychoanalysed the 27-year-old, with one writing: “I feel like he’s projecting insecurity on his brother. His family was supportive of them coming out but the OP thinks there’s a right way to do life as a gay man and doesn’t feel like the brother is leading the life he believes he should live.

"He resents his brother for living in a way that he feels causes judgement and doesn’t like to be linked to him.”

Another agreed, adding: ”OP is one of those ‘Being gay is cool as long as you mimic straight monogamy as closely as possible and don't make us look like degenerates’ gays.”

Others called out the OP’s assumption that people would agree with him.

“The way he says ‘as a natural consequence’ as though the logic will be obvious to everyone else…,” one wrote.

“The only ‘natural consequence’ I saw from OP’s story…was the backlash they received when bro posted the letter to social media,” added another.

Finally, others suggested that they might have been sympathetic to the groom’s decision had he not taken it a step too far.

One said: “I would have been completely on board with, ‘It's not my lifestyle and I don't approve, therefore I won't invite’. It's his wedding at the end of the day.

“But to send a letter saying ‘I'm explicitly not inviting you because of this and I'll trespass you if you come' well, that's just being a d**k.”

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