The government has finally come up with a plan for Brexit and it's seriously worrying

Joe Vesey-Byrne
Wednesday 19 October 2016 07:45
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Picture:(Upyanose/iStockphoto)

Speaking at a trade fair on Tuesday evening, the environment secretary Andrea Leadsom outlined Britain's plans for Brexit.

Prior to the referendum there was no plan for Brexit.

Turns out they weren't bluffing.

Then Brexit meant Brexit.

Now finally, some light has been thrown on this. Leadsom to the rescue!

Picture:(OLI SCARFF/AFP/Getty Images)

Speaking to the assembled business folk, the minister for parochial affairs claimed there would be a boost of £2.9 billion for the UK, including the sale of tea, jam, and biscuits.

According to an official press release, the goverment believes there could £185 million worth of exports to Japan "through demand for classic British products like tea, jam and biscuits and new opportunities for British beef."

These predictions are 'export wins', meaning exports which would probably not have occurred without government support.

Leadsom was unveiling her department's 'International Action Plan for Food and Drink', at a fair in Paris, France. Home of jam, and bourbons.

The Daily Telegraph gloriously headlined the news:

(The Daily Telegraph)

Erm.

Ah yes of course the good old days.

One academic from Goldsmiths University, cited a quote from the cultural theorist Stuart Hall:

The quote comes from a chapter by Hall entitled 'Old and New Identities, Old and New Ethnicities', and was one of two chapters he contributed to the book Culture, Globalization and the World System

Hall also used tea as a starting off point, but this was to demonstrate the global identity of England and the price of globalisation.

People like me who came to England in the 1950s have been there for centuries; symbolically, we have been there for centuries. I was coming home. I am the sugar at the bottom of the English cup of tea. I am the sweet tooth, the sugar plantations that rotted generations of English children's teeth. There are thousands of others beside me that are, you know, the cup of tea itself. Because they don't grow it in Lancashire, you know. Not a single tea plantation exists within the United Kingdom. This is the symbolization of English identity ­ mean, what does anybody in the world know about an English person except that they can't get through the day without a cup of tea? Where does it come from? Ceylon - Sri Lanka, India. That is the outside history that is inside the history of the English. There is no English history without that other history. The notion that identity has to do with people that look the same, feel the same, call themselves the same, is nonsense. As a process, as a narrative, as a discourse, it is always told from the position of the Other.

Not everyone concurred with the poo-pooing of good old fashioned British, against the odds, Dunkirk spirit, back to basics, hottest summer since records began, Werther's original, afternoon at your grandmother's house, place that never existed in the first place, when men were men, and your country belonged to you, style of business.

In the meantime, we await the moment Andy Burnham reveals his own plan to replace the biscuit exports with Chips n' Gravy.

Departmental civil servants probably never thought they would miss Liz Truss.

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