TW: Descriptions of sexual assault and intimate partner violence
Women are sharing their stories of being unfairly blamed, in particular when it comes to experiencing sexual harrassment and assault.
The viral Twitter thread started by Dr Jessica Taylor, founder of Victim Focus, which looks at how women are consistently blamed and shamed for the actions of men.
She tweeted this morning encouraging women to share their stories, and "show love to others who have been blamed".
She began by sharing her own experience, saying she was blamed by "absolutely everyone [she] knew":
I don’t know how I didn’t go completely bonkers. I was just a child. Everyone gave me a reason why I was to blame: not leaving, not escaping, getting pregnant, not reporting soon enough, ringing police too much, lying about it etc.
I was blamed by police for ‘wasting police time’ when I woke up in the middle of the night to 47 death threats, each detailing a different way he wanted to kill me and what he would do with my body Police said I was a ‘tattle tale’.
I was blamed a few years ago (2017) for being sexually assaulted by a stranger who I managed to fight off eventually and I was left with injuries. I ran for help and the man said to me ‘you must have provoked him’ and another said to me ‘it’s his birthday, he was just having fun’.
I was blamed for ‘potentially ruining a man's life’ when I finally had the courage to report 5 years of rape, exploitation, drugs, beatings, harassment, abuse and grooming to police.
Her point struck a cord with many women, who used the hashtag to add their experiences.
Many shared their stories of being blamed fro the abusive and violent actions of their partners.
@DrJessTaylor From one of our associates: when I reported my then husband for punching me in the face and breaking… https://t.co/zq9SioGEdy— Bravespace (@Bravespace) 1587888133
@DrJessTaylor @PalladianStyle Every time my ex husband beat me unconscious, or threw something at me or threatened… https://t.co/xqi2376n3G— Albie Dewson (@Albie Dewson) 1587888696
@DrJessTaylor #IWasBlamed for causing my child to 'resist contact' when it was my ex's VIOLENT & ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR… https://t.co/3urPDRUjJW— Rachel Watson (@Rachel Watson) 1587897534
Others shared stories of one-off encounters.
@DrJessTaylor A man started talking to me on the train at Brighton station and followed me off the train at Victori… https://t.co/ZBVOJ4emrj— Theodora van der Beek (@Theodora van der Beek) 1587892148
And cases of sexual harassment in the workplace.
@DrJessTaylor #IWasBlamed for refusing to have coffee with a CEO who was signing all my pay cheques as a consultant… https://t.co/hRCujNAlxx— Riya Mukherjee (@Riya Mukherjee) 1587894362
In day-to-day life women are also blamed for things which should not logically be their responsibility.
@DrJessTaylor #iwasblamed I was blamed by my children when my ex husband had an affair, chose to end our marriage &… https://t.co/s9Qq59oPVf— Poet with Passion. #JOHNSONOUT (@Poet with Passion. #JOHNSONOUT) 1587910232
As well as cases where their physical suffering was dismissed.
@DrJessTaylor #iwasblamed by the nurse who treated me when I took an overdose at 18. She says she was there to save… https://t.co/QOCy1uugr1— Michelle Robinson 💜 (@Michelle Robinson 💜) 1587910768
And of course there are all the ways women blame themselves thanks to internalising the messages of a patriarchal society.
@DrJessTaylor #IWasBlamed by me, for not being: organised, thin, good enough mother, competent cook, tidy, replying… https://t.co/7bykUKBE3M— StarlightMcKenzie 💙 (@StarlightMcKenzie 💙) 1587901369
Men saw the thread and were shocked by what they read...
@DrJessTaylor As a father to 2 girls, reading all the replies to this are heartbreaking, frightening, and make me i… https://t.co/gIX4UZuCiW— Libertine (@Libertine) 1587892182
Most women will not be shocked. This is. but a snapshot of all the ways women are degraded and their agency is dismissed by our society as a whole.