The government has been in a bit of a festive pickle over the last week as it struggles to shake off accusations that it held a number of Christmas parties last year in Downing Street, while the rest of the country followed Covid rules.

Boris Johnson has both denied a party on 18 December 2020 took place and said Covid rules were followed but he is also getting cabinet secretary Simon Case on the... case, to investigate whether it happened.

Now specific details about the alleged parties are emerging, like that attendees wore Christmas jumpers at one, organised Secret Santa at another and enjoyed “canapes” at a third. This is a scandal that isn’t going anywhere.

But what would a full-blown Downing Street Christmas party actually be like? Would the mulled wine flow? What would they talk about? We enlisted our imaginations and had a crack at envisaging it.

Michael Gove hits the dancefloor

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Given his antics in Aberdeen earlier in the year, we’d imagine Gove would be the first person on the dance floor at any Christmas bash, throwing shapes and living it large and having one too many drinks.

Boris Johnson asks guests to chip in for the catering costs

<p>The PM eats an ice cream at Haven Perran Sands Holiday Park, in Perranporth, on 7 April</p>Getty

Given his propensity to accept political donations, despite earning a rather healthy sum of money in most people’s books, Johnson is likely to act like that rich friend everyone has who invites people round for dinner then suggest everyone chips in.

He’ll provide a few bottles of wine but glare at anyone who has more than one glass.

Matt Hancock lurks under the mistletoe...

Look, sometimes the fruit is just too low-hanging. Next!

Owen Paterson stays for five minutes

Paterson would drop into a party, but he’d only stay for one. After all, he’ll have loads of different parties to juggle, people to see, things to do, priorities to manage.

Busy bloke.

Rishi Sunak does the catering

The ONS said the impact of Rishi Sunak\u2019s Eat Out to Help Out scheme should reverse next month, given that it only ran for one month in 2020 (Jeff J Mitchell/PA)PA Archive

The architect of Eat Out to Help Out would undoubtedly be in charge of food at any soiree, cutting deals with high street chains like Wagamamas to ensure the guests are well-fed at a good price.

Substantial meals for all.

Geoffrey Cox attends over Zoom

After all, he’ll be on his holibobs.

Priti Patel’s in charge of the guest list

Just as she monitors the UK’s borders, Patel would keep a close eye on the guests attending a party and make sure it doesn’t get too crowded. The security would know exactly who’s invited and plus ones would certainly not be allowed.

Perhaps guests would even have to score points to be given an invitation?

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