There was an outpouring of joy in the form of rainbows and glitter across the US on Friday when a historic ruling from the Supreme Court lifted all restrictions on same-sex marriage.
Republicans and religious conservatives all over the country are in a state of disarray over the decision. For a bunch of headless chickens, they're being pretty vocal about it:
1. Starting from the top down, Justice Antonin Scalia, who was one of the four dissenting judges in the decision, called the ruling a "threat to democracy":
The Supreme Court of the United States has descended from the disciplined legal reasoning of John Marshall and Joseph Story to the mystical aphorisms of the fortune cookie.
Talk about a sore loser.
2. Fox News host Martha MacCallum pulled out everyone's favourite logical fallacy, the slippery slope, to ask whether the gay marriage ruling means that three people can get married now.
3. It's the moral 9/11 according to conservative radio host Bryan Fischer...
4. Former governor of Arkansas and presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has asked people to join him in "biblical disobedience" over gay marriage.
Except they just, like, did.
5. Presidential hopeful Rick Santorum seems happy to rely on unelected judges for decisions like Bush v Gore, but gay marriage? Nah.
6. Quite a few people expressed their desire to move to Canada. Where gay marriage has been legal for a decade.
7. Evangelist Franklin Graham warned Christians to batten down the hatches as the ruling "endorsing sin" means they're going to be "persecuted":
8. Texan Republican and presidential candidate Ted Cruz demonstrated his excellent sense of proportion by saying Friday was “some of the darkest 24 hours in our history.”
9. Reince Priebus, Chairman of the Republican National Committee, said churches mustn't be coerced into respecting the law like, you know, everyone else.
Today's ruling cannot and must not be used to coerce a church or religious institution into performing marriages that their faith does not recognise.
10. Bobby Jindal, the Republican governor of Louisiana who is running for president, suggested the Supreme Court is out of control and a cost-cutting measure would just be to get rid of it.
He also said that the decision would pave the way for an "all out assault" on the religious freedom of Christians.
The Supreme Court decision today conveniently and not surprisingly follows public opinion polls and tramples on states' rights that were once protected by the 10th Amendment of the Constitution. Marriage between a man and a woman was established by God, and no earthly court can alter that. This decision will pave the way for an all out assault against the religious freedom rights of Christians who disagree with this decision.
We think Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords put it best: