The 26 most ridiculous quotes from Rudy Giuliani’s ‘bizarre and dangerous’ press conference

On Thursday, Rudy Giuliani, gave a press conference about Donald Trump’s fraud claims which will probably go down as the strangest and most bizarre 90 minutes in the history of man.

The president’s lawyer spoke from the RNC headquarters in a jam-packed room with no evidence of health and safety precautions in place to try and prove that Trump was somehow cheated out of the election, which he lost to Joe Biden.

What proceeded was a carousel of bizarre and completely baseless claims, conspiracy theories about Venezuela, quotes from 90s movies and Rudy Giuiliani literally sweating so much that his hair began to melt.

Giuliani kicked things off by complaining about how Trump lost Pennsylvania despite the fact that the state began counting mail-in ballots after on the day ballots were cast.

He added that many of the cities that voted for Trump, such as Philadelphia are controlled by the Democrats and because of this, their votes should be deemed fraudulent.

According to Giuliani, they were warned about mail-in ballots being open to fraud by former president Jimmy Carter in 2005. However, Carter told CNN in September that he approved of the system as long as there were safeguards in place.

Mail ballots are particularly prone to fraud. We were warned about that by Jimmy Carter, president Jimmy Carter and Secretary Baker in a report about a dozen years ago, in which they said that mail balloting is particularly susceptible of fraud, that we should very carefully consider ever doing it, and that it can be taken advantage of.

Giuliani also tried to say that Biden had assembled the best voter fraud team in the world. This isn’t what Biden said at all.

This is the first time we ever did it en masse. And I think we proved that all three are prophets. It’s not only susceptible to fraud, it is easily susceptible to fraud, particularly if you have a plan or scheme, which sounds eerily similar to what Joe Biden told us a few days before the election, that he had the best voter fraud team in the world. But they were good. I don’t know that they were that good because they made significant mistakes, like all crooks do.

Giuliani begins producing props and complains that someone in Georgia could be ‘Mickey Mouse or a dead person’ and that the recounts will be worth nothing.

The bizarreness of the situation really began to kick in after just 10 minutes when Giuliani began quoting the 1992 Oscar-winning movie My Cousin Vinny, calling the comedy ‘one of my favourite law movies’ and even mimicked a line that Joe Pesci says in the film.

One piece of ‘evidence’ that Giuliani produced was a story from a woman employed by the City of Detroit who was ‘basically trained to cheat.’

Jesse Jacob is an adult citizen and a resident of the state of Michigan. She’s been an employee of the City of Detroit for decades. I know her age, but she can tell you her age. She was assigned to voting duties in September, and she was trained by the City of Detroit and the State of Michigan. She was basically trained to cheat. She said that I was instructed by my supervisor to adjust the mailing date of these absentee ballot packages to be dated earlier than when they were actually sent in. The supervisor made that announcement for all workers to engage in that fraudulent practice. That’s not me saying that. That’s this American citizens saying that under oath. I don’t know. Maybe you could say she’s lying, but you can’t say there’s no evidence. This is what we call evidence.

Giuliani continues by making a completely bizarre claim that people get beaten up at Philadelphia Eagles NFL games “all the time.”

He goes back to talking about the aforementioned Jesse Jacob, but by now he is sweating profusely which will cause him problems later.

One story that Giuliani tells is about a truck that pulled up to a polling station in Detroit which everyone thought had food inside but was actually just ballots in garbage cans. He links this to a conspiracy theory about Dominion voting machines.

A truck pulled up to the Detroit center where they were counting ballots. The people thought it was food, so they all ran to the truck. Wasn’t food. It was thousands and thousands of ballots and the ballots were in garbage cans, they were in paper bags, they were in cardboard boxes, and they were taken into the center. They were put on a number of tables. At that time, they thought all the Republican inspectors had left, all but two had and an employee of Dominion who we will address a little bit later, Dominion.

Giuliani begins to talk about the controversy surrounding Wayne County, Michigan, where Republican officials had reportedly attempted to rescind their vote to certify the election.

Giuliani says that without a shred of irony that if you remove the legal votes for Biden then Trump would have won the election.

Giuliani promotes a claim that Biden didn’t have to campaign as much as Trump did because the fraudulent system was already in place however a small thing like the pandemic might be the most logical reason behind this.

At this point, Giuliani is starting to sweat profusely, so much so that his hair dye begins to melt and literally drip down both sides of his face. It’s like something from a horror film but worse.

At this point, you probably didn’t think the press conference could become any more surreal but against all odds it did. Speaking next was Sidney Powell another Trump attorney, who even Fox News’ Tucker Carlson has his doubts about. Powell claims, without evidence that communist money from Venezuela, Cuba and China influenced the election and that the Dominion voting machines were created by Hugo Chavez who died in 2013 but is somehow still fixing elections.

What we are really dealing with here and uncovering more by the day is the massive influence of communist money through Venezuela, Cuba, and likely China in the interference with our elections here in the United States. The Dominion voting systems, the Smartmatic technology software and the software that goes in other computerized voting systems here in as well, not just Dominion, were created in Venezuela at the direction of Hugo Chavez to make sure he never lost an election after one constitutional referendum came out the way he did not want it to come out.

Powell goes on to claim that Trump ‘won by a landslide.’

Jenna Ellis, a senior legal adviser for the Trump campaign speaks next and rants at the media for questioning why they have no evidence. Her defence is to say that this isn’t an episode of Law and Order.

Ellis continues to blast the media and for not reporting on the lack of evidence they have produced before she calls Trump’s crew an ‘elite strikeforce team.’

Giuliani returns to the stand but has been sweating for this entire time and is now smearing the hair dye and sweat all over his face. Just to note, this is all happening during a pandemic.

Trump’s lawyer says without any veil of secrecy that their goal is to ‘overturn the election’ in favour of the president.

Giuliani goes back to complaining about Venezuela and drags George Soros into the conspiracy, criticising him for apparently donating to Antifa and Black Lives Matter.

You couldn’t possibly believe that the company counting our vote, with control over our vote is owned by two Venezuelans who were allies of Chavez, are present allies of Maduro, with a company whose Chairman is a close associate and business partner of George Soros the biggest donor to the Democrat party, the biggest donor to Antifa, and the biggest donor of Black Lives Matter. My goodness, what do we have to do to get you to give our people the truth?

Giuliani makes a joke about being spied on by the FBI after being asked by a reporter from the ultra-conservative news network OAN about their whereabouts.

Sidney Powell is back and claims that the people who operate the Dominion machines ‘injected votes’ for Biden in the middle of the night.

Jenna Ellis returns to further chastise the media for apparently not understanding how legal processes work, despite there being no evidence for a legal case whatsoever.

Giuliani tries to do his best Trump impression by accusing a journalist of ‘lying’ after she asked why numerous lawsuits have been dismissed by courts across the country, adding that she was a ‘totally discourteous person.’

Giuliani concludes the press conference by saying that he would ‘love to release all the information they have’ but fears that it wouldn’t get covered properly, adding ‘we’re headed to a very bad place and it is not inappropriate that a Venezuelan company counted our votes.’

And with that, one of the oddest press conferences in the history of press conferences was over and done with. We can’t wait to see what the court cases will be like.