On Saturday evening in Tulsa, Oklahoma, Donald Trump held his first rally since the coronavirus lockdown began and it was quite the spectacle.
Speaking in front of a 19,000 seat arena which was nowhere near as full as members of the Trump administration had predicted, the president tried to downplay the dangers of so many people congregating in one place while the pandemic was still ongoing.
Indeed before the event had even started, six of Trump's staff members had tested positive for Covid-19, proving that really wasn't that safe for the rally to be taking place at all. That being said the show must go on and Trump didn't let his fans down in the slightest.
The president reportedly spoke for nearly two hours and tackled many of his favourite subjects such as 'fake news,' downplaying coronavirus, the left, Black Lives Matter protesters and his own personal health amongst other things.
Before all that, though it was down to the support acts to get the small crowd revved up. These included his son Eric Trump and his wife Lara, as well as Kimberly Guilfoyle, the girlfriend of Donald Trump Jr. Their witty routines included getting the crowd to chant 'lock her up' at the mere mention of Hillary Clinton and calling the Black Lives Matter activist, some of whom had staged a protest outside of the building 'animals.'
Next up was Mike Pence who reeled off a bunch of dubious stats about unemployment in the United States and how quickly Trump moved to enforce a travel ban from China, despite him not doing so until coronavirus had already been reported in the United States.
Pence boldly said that the administration is putting 'the health of America first' despite supporters being asked to sign a waiver ahead of the rally absolving the administration from any blame should attendees get coronavirus.
Trump kicked things off with some classics such as blaming the 'fake news' media for telling people to preserve their health and not attended a rally in pandemic.
Trump then oddly bragged about how many judges he had appointed because he had heard about 'how important judges are.' We doubt this was a subject that anyone wanted to hear about during the rally,
Trump then falsely claimed that he had passed the Veterans Choice legislation which was passed in August 2014 by *check notes* Barack Obama. Trump had actually signed a $55 billion bill to replace the program in June 2018 so it's baffling as to why he has decided to bring this up now.
Trump then equated the Black Lives Matter protesters to 'extremism' and 'the radical left' before taking a cheap shot at CNN.
Trump then mentions the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone (CHAZ) in Seattle which prompts boos from the crowd. Rather than giving a thoughtful answer as to why the area was set up in the first place, Trump claims:
It's probably better for us to just watch that disaster. I flew in with some of our great congressmen and I said to them 'congressman, what do you think?' I can straighten it out fast and just go in. 'No sir, let it simmer for a little while. Let people see what radical left Democrats will do to our country.
Trump appeared to have troubling saying Covid-19, referring to it as 'Co-ved,' earned a huge applause after calling it 'the Chinese virus' and then claimed that he had saved '100,000 of lives' despite the US recording more than 120,000 deaths, more than anywhere else in the world.
Still, on coronavirus, Trump outrageously said that he had encouraged officials to slow down testing because too many cases were being found and told a short story about a 10-year-old boy who had 'the sniffles' and was logged as a positive case.
Trump then claimed that left-wing mobs were trying to erase US history by removing monuments. He said:
The unhinged left-wing mob is trying to vandalise our history, desecrate our monuments. Our beautiful monuments. Tear down our statues, cancel and persecute anyone who does not conform to their demands for absolute and total control. We're not conforming. That's why we are here actually. This cruel campaign of censorship and exclusion violates everything that we hold dear as Americans. They want to demolish our heritage so they can impose their new oppressive regime in its place. They want to defund and dissolve our police departments.
Trump then complains about coronavirus having 'too many names' and then uses a racial stereotype to calling it 'kung flu'
Trump then spoke a length about 'rampgate' and the viral videos that showed him struggling to walk down a ramp at the West Point Military Academy last week. Trump spoke about this for well over five minutes.
In addition to the ramp, Trump also spoke about another video where he appeared to struggle to drink a glass of water, claiming that his arm was tired after saluting too much. In a completely bizarre moment, he then drank from a glass of water with no problem and threw it down on to the floor which prompted a massive reaction from the crowd. Once again, this is the president of the United States.
If Trump didn't already have some health problems he might do soon as he bragged about shaking people's hands at West Point, which is definitely something that he should not be doing right now.
Moving on, Trump proposes introducing a law that will see anyone who attempts to vandalise the American flag will be thrown into jail for a year.
We ought to come up with legislation that if you burn the American flag you go to jail for one year ... if somebody wants to burn the American flag and stomp on it, but just burn it, they go to jail for one year.
Trump goes on to suggest that the protesters in places like Minneapolis are arsonists and that some might have been illegal immigrants.
The president then seemed to stoke the fires of violence by claiming that it would be a 'terrible day for the other side' if our people decided to protest.
Trump then decided to talk to the crowd about Air Force One, which was greeted with almost abject silence.
He then seemed to briefly forget what year it was, saying 'two-twenty' rather than 'twenty-twenty.'
Trump then complimented the controversial federal law enforcement agency ICE who patrol the US border claiming that 'they get rid of the worst scum on earth.'
Moving on to his presidential election opponent, Trump claimed that Joe Biden would introduce 'late-term abortion and afterbirth execution.'
Trump then took shots at Democratic congresswoman Ilhan Omar but appeared to have no idea as to how he should say her name.
Trump then claimed, without evidence, that media wants the stock market to fail:
They want the stock market to go down, even if it costs them money. And they don't even know why. You know what?
They're smart, and they're vicious. But they don't know why. I'm telling you -- they don't know why.
He then claimed that cities like Baltimore and Detroit have a bigger murder rate than a country like Afghanistan.
In the closing moments of his epic speech, Trump promised to protect US citizen's rights to bear arms and called protestors 'lunatics.'
Trump then closed the rally by shouting 'Make America Great Again' multiple times.
It was then all mercifully over. Needless to say we think that Trump had a lot to get off his chest...