Valentine's Day is tomorrow and we all know love is all about spending money on pointless trash no one actually wanted.
For those of you panicking about what to buy a friend, loved one or significant other, worry no more! We have the solution. A personalised greeting from Sean Spicer should do the trick, surely.
Yes, Sean Spicer as in Trump's former press secretary, and the man who started the trend for wildly overestimating crowd sizes at Trump's events, something which has now become standard practice and sort of a staple of this administration, because why actually count the number of people when you could just... make it up?
Also the man you may remember from his iconic debut on Dancing With The Stars, when he donned a neon green ruffle shirt and owned the stage to the dulcet tones of "Spice Up Your Life" (genius song choice) becoming, of course, an instant meme.
Who wouldn't want this man saying happy Valentine's Day on their behalf?!
In an Instagram video, Spicer explained that actually this was "an amazing deal", and that he is slashing his prices on Cameo (the app which allows you to buy personalised messages from your favourite celebrities) by 50 per cent for one month only.
Where once a message from Spicer would set you back $400, now you can get it for $199! Absolute bargain. Especially considering that it's "the best Valentine's Day gift ever", as the Love Master himself tells us:
What better way to say 'I love you', 'I'm thinking about you' this Valentine's Day than a video from me?
And he's not even pocketing the cash but rather donating it to a The Independence Fund, a charity supporting veterans with physical disabilities or mental health conditions. The man is basically a more saintly Cupid, really, isn't he?
Obviously, a Spicer moment is worth every penny, but we can only imagine his Cameos will be flying off the shelves, so in case you were looking for an alternative, you can also get Darla from Buffy for $75, Luke from Gilmore Girls for $135 or Mr Heckles from Friends for an incredible $30. Know your worth Mr Heckles! We'd pay at least $40.
We have no doubt this will save countless relationships on the brink. Who needs marriage counselling when you have Sean Spicer? Thank us later.