Andrew Marr sums up Boris Johnson 'perfectly' with jaw-dropping poem

Hands up if you’ve had enough of the civil war that’s been consuming the Conservative Party for what feels like years now.

Hands up if you’ve had enough of Boris Johnson dominating the headlines with his furious “woe is me” bombast.

And hands up whether you believe that the former PM deliberately misled MPs over the partygate scandal.

If so, you should really listen to the impassioned poem written and recited by Andrew Marr on Monday evening.

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The LBC presenter launched into a blistering tirade against the “selfish narcissist” who formally resigned as an MP just minutes earlier.

But rather than dish up the usual excoriating commentary, Marr delivered his furious and exasperated thoughts through verse.

It began: “I'm so bored of Boris Johnson I could scream

“It's hot. I'm like a boiling kettle - ejecting steam

“I'm just so bored of Boris Johnson and his life

“I know more about him than I do about my wife.”

The hilarious rhyme continued by mocking Johnson’s “chums”, “fatal porkies” and overwhelming desire to be a “cuddly national symbol” like “Paddington or Gromit”.

Accusing him of being “very fast to take the credit”, the broadcaster also lambasted the ex-Tory leader for “wrecking” both Britain and Brexit.

Marr’s brutal sing-song monologue ended: “So nothing mattered

“Not voters conned, nor a once-great party shattered

“He wanted greatness. But yes, it's vanished like a dream

“Sometimes I'm so bored of Boris Johnson I could scream.”

The speech proved divisive among viewers, with some hailing it as “speaking for all of us” while others accused Marr of delivering his criticism too late.

“I think Andrew Marr speaks for the majority of this country,” one Twitter commentator wrote. “Enough, I want Johnson and all his works and quirks and language gone.”

“A powerful, visceral and political takedown, delivered in verse. Stunning work, as always, by the one and only [Andrew Marr],” said another.

“Brilliant, Sir. And I agree 100% with the sentiments,” added a third.

Meanwhile, one critic argued: “Too little too late [Andrew Marr]. By your own admission, you held back criticism while working at [the BBC].”

Others agreed, with one writing: “A day late and a dollar short, Andrew. Johnson is no different today than he was in 2019. Yet you did your level best to ensure he was elected.”

For those readers who’d like a real taste of Marr’s ire, here’s the text of his poem in full:

"I'm so bored of Boris Johnson I could scream
It's hot. I'm like a boiling kettle - ejecting steam
I'm just so bored of Boris Johnson and his life
I know more about him than I do about my wife
The glory years of japes and pranks at Eton
The never giving up or knowing when he's beaten
The web of Oxford chums - Dave and George and Gove -
The trysts with trusting girls in flats, hotels and groves
The lies he told to them, then the lying to the Times
Long before the fatal porkies over party lockdown crimes
The shrugging off of misbehaviour with a laugh
The 'cripes, I'll make it up' reporting for the Telegraph
And words like cripes and chums and japes and pranks
And yikes and Bozza - enough, no more, no thanks
All that gobbling up of airtime and paper by the ream
As we've all been jailed inside one man's mad dream
Oh..I'm so bored of Boris Johnson I could scream
I'm so bored of Boris Johnson I could spew
Even the successes; for yes, there were of those a few
Genial, liberal Boris in the years at London's City Hall
Election winner against Ken and Corbyn, never short of gall
Very fast to take the credit, eg Borisbikes, eg Crossrail -
He always wanted monuments, they wanted that to fail -
He sliced through state bureaucracy that was Byzantine
At least I s'pose they've called it the Elizabeth, not the Johnson line.
Then his return to Parliament, prepared to oil and suck
Up to Tory leaders. I'm so bored of Johnson I could chuck
He always wanted to be lovable like Paddington or Gromit
A cuddly national symbol. I'm so bored that I could vomit
He picks a thing up, caresses it, then wrecks it
By "thing" I'm thinking obviously of Britain, and of Brexit
Of whoppers, fibs and fraudulence and guile
And for his enemies, threats and menaces and bile
At birth the angels gave him the gift of tongues
A glittering tree on which all life's prizes hung
They gave him great intelligence and sex appeal
Strength of a grizzly bear, eyes of a baby seal
But then, they said, we've given too lavish a gift-list
To baby Boris so you'll be, as well, a selfish narcissist
And everything will turn to dust. Bad, then badder
Will be your choices; the high call of politics a ladder
No more than that - to clamber up. So nothing mattered
Not voters conned, nor a once-great party shattered
He wanted greatness. But yes, it's vanished like a dream.
Sometimes I'm so bored of Boris Johnson I could scream.”

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