We've imagine Matt Hancock's bushtucker trials as he's predicted to become public's 'toy'

Disgraced former health secretary Matt Hancock is set to enter the I’m A Celebrity jungle in the coming days as a “bombshell” of a late arrival, and the controversial decision has led many to suspect he’ll face most of the reality show’s grisly bushtucker trials.

Reigning champion, Emmerdale’s Danny Miller, has said the West Suffolk MP needs to “just accept the fact he is going to be everyone’s toy”, while former BBC Radio 1 DJ Nick Grimshaw joked the other celebrities in this year’s line-up are “not gonna have to do anything”.

Mr Hancock is now an independent MP after having the Conservative Party whip suspended over his decision to appear on the ITV series, and Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has said he was “very disappointed” by his fellow Tory politician signing up to jet off to Australia.

While Mr Hancock, who is dyslexic, said he was taking part to raise awareness of the condition, some can’t help but wonder if it’s another attempt for the ex-cabinet minister to rebuild his image after a scandal forced him to leave government last year.

Leaked CCTV footage showed him kissing aide Gina Coladangelo in his office in a breach of Covid rules he helped to implement.

Now the Covid-19 Bereaved Families for Justice group has called his appearance on I’m A Celebrity “sickening”, and set up a petition calling on ITV to remove him from the programme which now has more than 42,800 signatures.

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With all that baggage, we’re surprised Mr Hancock made it through customs, but it means there’s a good amount of people with a reason to vote for him to eat bull penises and kangaroo testicles.

And so, in preparation for the inevitable, we’ve tried to imagine the horrors we, the viewing public, will no doubt vote for Mr Hancock to experience.

Scare Home

In a terrifying reminder of his unforgivable policy to discharge Covid patients into care homes, Hancock has to rummage through a house of bugs to find stars, his dignity and his remorse for contributing to Covid deaths.

Cree-PPE Crawlies

Not far removed from the bin bags healthcare professionals were seen deploying during the pandemic due to governmental incompetence, Hancock has to wear a specially designed suit which will become full of cockroaches, as he has to fight the urge not to lose his cool like all the doctors and nurses did when he did the bare minimum in terms of personal protective equipment.

App-etisers

Like an ambitious Instagram influencer, he’ll be tasked with taking the best smartphone snap of a fish eye to post on the Matt Hancock social media platform, before being forced to down it in one.

Disaster-mind

There’s always a good parody trial on I’m A Celebrity at some point, and what better than a general knowledge quiz where Mr Hancock gets gunk on him for every wrong answer…

Hopefully he now knows who Daniel – sorry, Marcus – Rashford is, and when exactly the first UK lockdown took place.

Pong and Dance

Given Mr Hancock appears to have a thing for karaoke nights, ITV producers could use that to their advantage by theming a bushtucker trial around that very concept.

Get him to sing into a microphone and if he misses the next lyric, the microphone sprays slime in his face or something – think “Slay It, Don’t Spray It” from The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.

I’m sure they can use some of the sewage that’s been discharged onto Britain’s beaches – sewage dumping into the natural environment being something the Tories appear to be relatively fine with, apparently.

We’d never ever thought we’d say this, but if these trials were to become a reality, then Mr Hancock would certainly get our vote.

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