New 'chivalrous' dating website only lets men make the first move

Ever used a dating website but wished the whole experienced had been more... chivalrous?

Beth Murtagh did. The recent graduate has set up, on which only men are allowed to make the first move.


The site, which is designed for straight people looking for love, only allows men to initiate contact. Women, if they find someone attractive, can send a "handkerchief" icon to "show their favour".


Murtagh told that she got the idea after trying out dating websites herself.

"Either the sites were so overpriced that there weren't many members near me, or they were more 'hook-up' sites which I wasn't really interested in. I thought there was a gap in the market for a site which was focused on romance and long-term commitment, as the sites which did do this were all affixed to religion", she said.

Chivalrynotdead is not intended to be preachy but it is intended to provide a space for men and women who are disengaged with 'hook-up' culture and want to meet likeminded people.

The site also has dating advice pages for men and women. Advice for women includes "Let the man plan the date. This is important! He should feel as though he is getting the chance to woo you" and "Don’t talk too much about previous relationships or personal problems".


Several people on social media have called the idea of a chivalrous dating website outdated and sexist, but Murtagh maintains that her site is "women positive":

While of course [chivalry] refers to a knightly code of conduct... To me chivalry means that a man respects, protects and cherishes the woman he is with because he understands her importance, not because she is weak.

The website has also attracted criticism from some quarters pointing out that on many existing dating sites and apps men already make the first move - and when women don't reply in the way men want them to they are often subject to abusive messages. Some apps, like Bumble and AntiDate, only let women make the first move in an effort to help women dodge these digital dating landmines.

Murtagh insists that harassment goes completely against the ethos of and anyone found to be bothering other members will be deleted.

The site is currently free to use, and Murtagh plans on introducing a monthly fee from September onwards which she says will be significantly cheaper than other dating sites. There are also plans for a sister site for LGBTQ people looking for "long term, romantic relationships".

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