Partners could be ‘micro-cheating’ in relationships without anyone knowing

For time immemorial, people in relationships have flirted with the wrong people without actually being unfaithful. In modern times, that means liking thirst traps on Instagram, or sliding into someone’s DMs. It’s not cheating – but it’s certainly not great.

Now, experts have a word for it: micro-cheating.

Micro-cheating is when you commit an act which isn’t full-blown infidelity, but feels like a betrayal, reports Mashable. This includes flirting and embracing sexual energy with someone; or liking provocative content someone posts online; maintaining and flirtatious relationship with an ex.

Sign up to our free Indy100 weekly newsletter

And there’s more, like not setting clear boundaries with someone who is sexually interested in you; hiding your relationship status from them; or joining a dating site to browse singleton’s profiles.

Experts also say that speaking negatively about your partner with someone you’re interested in is a no-go, as is maintaining communication with someone and keeping it secret from your partner.

Moraya Seeger DeGeare, relationship expert at Paired, an intimacy building app for couples, told the outlet: “

Couples therapist Moraya Seeger DeGeare said: This is why it’s important to discuss boundaries early in the relationship — and continue to reevaluate as you move through different life stages.”

For example, some things which seem acceptable in your mid-twenties could feel like a betrayal a decade later.

“These are not one-and-done conversations, as you grow as individuals, the relationship’s needs and boundaries adjust with you.”

Lori Kret, licensed therapist and co-founder of Aspen Relationship Institute, added that partners can “make assumptions and set the boundary for cheating at physical contact. As a result, they can unintentionally step into a grey space that they don’t perceive as cheating, but that their partners do.”

“It’s important to recognize that every individual has a different conceptualization of what feels hurtful or vulnerable and not assume that your boundaries are the same as what feels safe, healthy and appropriate for your partner.”

A tell-tale sign that you are micro-cheating is when you are aware that what you are doing might make your partner uncomfortable, added Seeger DeGeare.

The first step is being honest with yourself, she said. “Are you forming an intimate bond or emotional connection with someone else outside the relationship that has a sexual element to it? Do you think your partner would be uncomfortable with your behaviour? Would you feel hurt if they did the same thing to you? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, it might be a sign something isn’t right.”

Have your say in our news democracy. Click the upvote icon at the top of the page to help raise this article through the indy100 rankings.