Love And Marriage Amid The Pandemic, Plus The Polyamory Lifestyle
In today's day and age, it is impossible to escape conversations about dating without a plethora of buzzwords to classify things. You may wonder if the person on Tinder is catfishing you, for instance. Your ex-partner may have been a gaslighter. You also might get cuffed into a relationship or given the run-around.
And if you are someone who is monogamous, you're now at risk of being "polybombed."
But what exactly does that mean?
Well, that's when someone in a monogamous relationship says to the other person that they'd like to open it up, and have relationships or sexual encounters with other people.
Emma Gordon, the founder of USSalvageYards, said she was in a relationship a year ago where she was "polybombed" and still feels "extremely hurt and betrayed."
She explained to Indy100 that at the beginning of their relationship, everything was "beautiful," but she then started to notice "patterns."
"He wasn't always there for me. He'd look for different excuses for his inactions and actions, majorly because he had a constant custody battle with his ex-wife for his 4-year-old daughter. I put up with it because he showed that he cared when he could," Gordon said.
She also explained that he would "jokingly ask" her for a threesome or other activities that involved a third party during their relationship, but she turned down the advances.
"He would apologize and reassure me that he loved me and wanted me to be the only woman in his life. I believed him and took his word for it."
But before they had broken up, they got into an argument during their anniversary, which is when he made a bombshell confession - the person that was his "so-called best friend" was his girlfriend and was aware of their relationship.
"She agreed to the relationship, but I was in the dark the whole year of our relationship."
Despite her shock, Gordon said she was "emotionally invested," which made it difficult to leave.
"It was a rude awakening because I was never told all these upfront. I tried to make sense of the whole situation and the condition that he gave. It wasn't consensual from the start, and I could not accept that."
Ultimately, she left the relationship because the third party felt jealous whenever she would be given attention from the man, whether they were apart or together.
One person posted a comment to the monogamy subreddit and said that they were on OkCupid, claiming it was filled with non-monogamous people and felt overwhelmed with the polyamory they saw "on a daily basis."
Some experts say it's simply easier for those with polyamorous preference to attempt to connect with those who have similar preferences - but it comes with risks.
"Dating apps have made it easy to connect with people we share personality type, religious affiliation, education level, or political views. This increases the chances of meeting people who could potentially polybomb," said Barbara Santini, Psychologist, Sex Therapist, and Relationship Adviser at Dimepiece LA.
To discover some potential red flags that your partner is engaging in a polyamorous relationship without you, Tatyana Dyachenko, a sex therapist, relationship expert and psychologist at Peaches and Screams, told Indy100 that they are the same things you would look for in cheating.
"They may start making excuses about why they can't see you or lying about where they have been and who they have been with. They may start hiding their phone or become less intimate with you."
Overall, there can be deceit in any relationship you embark on, regardless of lifestyle preferences.
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