11 of the most brutal reactions to being cheated on

Harriet Marsden@harriet1marsden
Saturday 14 January 2017 15:15
news
Picture:(istock / KatarzynaBialasiewicz)

So you've discovered that your no good boyfriend / girlfriend / partner has been doing the dirty behind your back.

Words fail you. Devastation, disappointment and deranged fury course through your veins, leaving you incapable of a pithy comeback.

Step in, internet brethren.

Via anonymous app Whisper, 11 online victims of adultery have shared their perfect response to their ex.

Feel free to re-use the following if you need to...

1. The Variation on the 'Knock Knock' joke

Him: Hey

Me: Hi

Him: What's up?

Me: My standards, bye.

2. The Leading misleading (with a twist)

Well I guess people do sleep differently. I sleep on my stomach, my mum sleeps on her side, and you apparently sleep with my cousin.

Oh and by the way, Karey was born Kevin. 

3. The Consumerism con

Took her shopping, let her pick out a few hundred dollars worth of clothes... And I have to go to the bathroom...

But she gets to the register and waits...I'm not coming back.

4. The cold shoulder

Discovered texts from a girl he met online, with plans to meet up while I was away for the weekend.

Woke him up by dumping an ice cold soda over his head. Seeing that shock on his face was awesome.

5. The permanent stain

I took him to get matching tattoos of our names (he went first) and when he was finished, I left.

6. The get out card

Oh, I'm your only phone call from jail? You should've called her...(Click)

7. The comeback

Ex: You will never find a guy like me.

Me: That's the f***ing point. 

8. The family affair

His elder brother and me found love in each other after my break up.

9. The squad goals

I wrote him a letter with Taylor Swift's lyrics to 'Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together' and left my promise ring on top.

10. Straight to the point

Leaving. I don't need that in my life.

11. The philosopher

I broke up with him and went on to be truly happy.

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