News
Harriet Marsden
Jan 14, 2017

Picture:
istock / KatarzynaBialasiewicz
So you've discovered that your no good boyfriend / girlfriend / partner has been doing the dirty behind your back.
Words fail you. Devastation, disappointment and deranged fury course through your veins, leaving you incapable of a pithy comeback.
Step in, internet brethren.
Via anonymous app Whisper, 11 online victims of adultery have shared their perfect response to their ex.
Feel free to re-use the following if you need to...
1. The Variation on the 'Knock Knock' joke
Him: Hey
Me: Hi
Him: What's up?
Me: My standards, bye.
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2. The Leading misleading (with a twist)
Well I guess people do sleep differently. I sleep on my stomach, my mum sleeps on her side, and you apparently sleep with my cousin.
Oh and by the way, Karey was born Kevin.Â
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3. The Consumerism con
Took her shopping, let her pick out a few hundred dollars worth of clothes... And I have to go to the bathroom...
But she gets to the register and waits...I'm not coming back.
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4. The cold shoulder
Discovered texts from a girl he met online, with plans to meet up while I was away for the weekend.
Woke him up by dumping an ice cold soda over his head. Seeing that shock on his face was awesome.
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5. The permanent stain
I took him to get matching tattoos of our names (he went first) and when he was finished, I left.
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6. The get out card
Oh, I'm your only phone call from jail? You should've called her...(Click)
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7. The comeback
Ex: You will never find a guy like me.
Me: That's the f***ing point.Â
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8. The family affair
His elder brother and me found love in each other after my break up.
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9. The squad goals
I wrote him a letter with Taylor Swift's lyrics to 'Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together' and left my promise ring on top.
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10. Straight to the point
Leaving. I don't need that in my life.
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11. The philosopher
I broke up with him and went on to be truly happy.
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