Amongst the controversy surrounding the UK government this week, you could be forgiven for missing that Boris Johnson and co introduced new rules to prevent the spread of the new omicron strain.
The prime minister’s so-called ‘plan b’ now demands that people wear face coverings in most indoor venues from Friday – including cinemas, theatres and places of worship. However, in places of worship masks are exempt when singing hymns.
“Whilst it wouldn’t be for me to say, I think it would be hard to justify. These rules are set to be balanced and proportionate, we’ve seen how the public are responsible ... and we’re confident they will continue to be so.”
Small business minister Paul Scully told LBC Radio on Friday morning that it’s “not practical to go around Tesco singing Christmas carols all the time or something all the time... there just needs to be a sense check around it if you are eating, drinking, those kinds of things.”
'As of next week you can't work at the office but you can work from the pub...Plan B has more holes than a Swiss ch… https://t.co/bkT8mZ2Pk5
Obviously, we cannot condone people not wearing their masks an indoor setting but if there is a reasonable excuse for someone wanting to break into song next to the bottles of balsamic vinegar then who are we to stop them? Rules are rules.
However, for those wishing to sing, we fear that any old song just won’t do. Surely an appropriate song about the surroundings of a supermarket and the wonders of commerce is more worthwhile than simply belting out Wonderwall or Livin La Vida Loca like you are at a karaoke.
So to avoid making a complete fool of yourself here are our recommendations for songs to sing in a supermarket.
‘Lost in the Supermarket’ - The Clash
Maybe the best song about a supermarket and also ideal if are genuinely lost in a supermarket and can’t find the toothpaste.
‘Common People’ - Pulp
Maybe the most obvious choice on this list because ‘I don’t know why but I had to start it somewhere.’
‘LDN’ - Lily Allen
Whisk yourself back to the halcyon days of 2006 with Lily Allen’s hit LDN, which is very handy for the lyric “there was a little old lady, who was walking down the road, she was struggling with bags from Tesco.”
‘invisible string’ - Taylor Swift
Ms Swifts sings: “Teal was the colour of your shirt when you were 16 at the yoghurt shop. You used to work at to make a little money.” Just a little lyric if you happen to be in a yoghurt shop and spot a 16-year-old wearing a teal shirt.
‘Bills Bills Bills’ - Destiny’s Child
If you are really determined to sing about how much you are spending in the supermarket then you could go with this Destiny’s Child classic, which isn’t really about the same subject but you might get away with it.
‘Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da’ - The Beatles
Once again not an obvious song but very handy if you are called Desmond and are ‘taking a trolley to the jeweler’s stores.’
‘Look at them Beans’ - Johnny Cash
A really convenient song if you are in the tinned goods aisle and are amazed by the range of beans (baked and green) on offer.
‘Shopping’ - Pet Shop Boys
I mean, it’s literally right there in the song title.
‘The Bargain Store’ - Dolly Parton
Once again, a perfect song if you are after a certain item. Perhaps you are in the reduced section at about 8 pm when they start throwing out the packets of undisclosed meat slices...
‘Fitter Happier’ - Radiohead
Perhaps you hate shopping and despise the concept of a supermarket. In that case, we would recommend booking an online shop but if you must go to the shops maybe sing the most depressing Radiohead song ever which is guaranteed to bring the mood of the entire fruit and veg section down a few notches.
Of course, no one should be singing in a supermarket so please just wear a mask and if you must, just hum your favourite tunes instead.