Saturday Night Live has presented a scathing take on the impeachment trial after it virtually collapsed following the Senate failure to call any witnesses to the stand.
In a brilliant cold open featuring all the characters of the impeachment trial, SNL took a satirical look at what might have happened if the witnesses like John Bolton had given testimonies like they probably should have.
Firstly Chief Justice John Roberts was replaced by Judge Mathis, who had brought his own gavel and declared:
Alright, I’m done with this nonsense. We are calling witnesses, because that’s how a damn trial works.
We then got a steady stream of the likes of Bolton, Mitch McConnell, Lindsay Graham, My Cousin Vinny and Hunter Biden the latter being played by Pete Davidson on a hoverboard, who might have had the best line in the entire sketch. When asked what his current job was he said:
I’m on the board of a Brazilian money laundering company called, uh, Nepotismo. That’s right. I’ve been selling Biden Steaks from my office at the top of Biden Tower and letting foreign leaders stay at Biden-a- Lago,” Biden said. “Oh wait, no, that’s the president sons. Ya burnt!
Trump, played as always by Alex Baldwin, testified for himself and made his way into the Senate on a zimmer frame, an obvious nod to Harvey Weinstein, who has been pictured using the apparatus at the start of his own trail of sexual assault charges.
In his closing statement Trump says:
Ladies and gentlemen of this government place. What I’ve learned from this trial is that clearly nothing I do or say has any consequence, so I’d like to complain, about everything. The call with the Ukraine wasn’t perfect, it was illegal. And frankly, it was a butt dial. And frankly, I watch CNN all the time. And it’s awesome, I hate the following states: Iowa, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Ar-KANsas and West Virginia. West Carolina, I’m sorry. I see it all the time at golf, taxes, wives, bathroom scales, I’m not 239 pounds, I’m 475 pounds. And I don’t really need this walker either, although it does help me be lazier, which I like. What else? I cut the funding to the CDC so this Wang Chung virus is really going to be bad. But trial has been incredible because I now have a best friend. Mitch McConnell. He’s a ride or die bitch. And we’re going to be linked forever, right, Mitch?
McConnell then appears and sings a rendition of 'Send in the Clowns' with backing vocals from Graham and Bolton before Mathis finds Trump guilty, fines him $10,000 and demands that he says one nice thing about Nancy Pelosi, which he does by saying that "her body is an eight."