Should a man cancel his wedding if his fiancé won’t let his gay son bring his boyfriend?
Phew, that’s a mouthful.
And yet it’s not an EastEnders subplot: A man who goes by the display name throwaway-thewedding posted in a subreddit called Am I The A**hole, in which people write in and ask strangers for advice on things going on in their lives.
This particular user shared that he’s set to be married, but he’s having second thoughts after his fiancé told him he couldn’t invite his son’s boyfriend lest it offend her religiously conservative parents.
In the post, he is quick to note that while his fiancé has never taken offence to his 22-year-old son’s sexuality, their relationship – and wedding – has hit a road block.
WIBTA if I called off my wedding because my fiance does not want my son to bring his boyfriend to the wedding?
"My son was born when I was only 15 years old, and I’ve been a single dad since I was 18. It was hard living for a long time money-wise but I always tried to do best by my son. Today I own my own gym and my son is now 22 and going to college and works at my gym full-time. He came out to me when he was 14 years old and I’ve always been supportive of him and his identity."
He went on to say that he’s been together with his fiancé for two years, and though she comes from a ‘very deep religious and conservative family, she has never had any issue with my son.”
My son has been dating his boyfriend since he was 18 and I’ve gotten to know him really well.
However my fiancé told me recently that she does not want my son’s boyfriend to come to the wedding nor does she want her parents to even get the inclination that my son is gay. That if they found out, they would have a complete fit. This really bothered me because I refuse to ask my son to go back in the closet. What is going to happen in the future? When my son gets married himself? Will they want him and his husband barred from other family events?
He revealed that when he shared his concerns with his brother, rather than support him, he was told to suck it up and make it work – after all, it’s just one wedding.When he told his wife-to-be that he insists on inviting his son's boyfriend, he was given the "silent treatment" - and now he doesn't even want to get married.
People on reddit responded with a resounding: YES.
Holy cow NTA. You should also seriously reconsider marrying this person. Your son's feelings take obvious priority of the feelings of your in laws, who aren't even related to your son.
"NTA - As a gay man I agree that you shouldn't ask your son to go back in the closet. I believe you're also right that it wont just be one day, it will be an issue during any family event that your future in laws and son would both be attending."
Others pointed out that the in-laws are the problem, not him (or his son)
My wedding last year involved both some of my husband's family, some Midwestern fundies with a lot of toxicity in them, and a number of our friends mostly from college who are openly gay, trans or otherwise queer. The fundies managed to grit their teeth and behave themselves, and none of our friends felt uncomfortable. Everyone ultimately had fun. So I guess the point is that if your future in laws can't suck up their bigotry for one night, they're the a**holes here.
And shared their own stories of cutting off homophobic friends and family
I've cut ties with family in the past over their beliefs. Longtime friends who were practically family, too. I'm not going to "tolerate" their bigotry. If they're going to be bigoted fucks who won't treat other human beings with love and respect, they don't deserve me.
Others wondered what the fiance's plan was - keep the fact that her step-son is gay a secret forever?
What's the fiancée's end game? Forcing OP's son to forever hide such a crucial aspect of himself from her family....forever? Or force him to eventually have to come out AGAIN at some point down the line? Her plan brings no long-term satiation.
It sounds like she needs to either have a difficult conversation with her parents, or she needs to acknowledge her own bigotries. Even if it sparks irreparable damage with OP's and her relationship.