The funniest reviews of the Matt Hancock app

The funniest reviews of the Matt Hancock app
First Look: Matt Hancock squeals as he's covered in bugs and sludge …

Everyone's talking about Matt Hancock again because he's going on I'm a Celebrity.

The disgraced former health secretary will join the show on Wednesday night's episode and previews show him being covered in bugs while he does a trial, as he should.

This has reminded us of one of the other times Hancock sought attention by making an app named after him.

Yes, in 2018, while culture secretary, Hancock made "The Matt Hancock app" to provide updates to constituents.

Upon release, people took the mick out of it and people reported it was not without its privacy issues.

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But as the years have gone by, how have users enjoyed it?

The app has an average score of 3.3 out of 5 on the Apple app store with 239 ratings.

One five-star review says the app is "exhilarating".

"I had never known life before downloading this app, this isn’t just social media, it is something beyond," the author writes.

"Just that single notification vibrating your phone knowing Matty Hancock will be at the face of your phone was just exhilarating.

"Every day I wake up. Matt Hancock Every night before my slumber. Matt Hancock . Waking up in a nightmare heat. Matt Hancock Is there to guide me back to a peaceful sleep. My world has been morphed into something so far beyond what our existence is worth.

"This app has well and truly structured how I see my past, live my present and choose my future. I have transcended humanity and you will too by downloading this app. I truly believe Matt Hancock is the new forefront of our lives, a guide to becoming the best versions of ourselves we possibly can and strive towards a life so free and full of Matt Hancock.

"What is life you ask me? Honest answer. I don’t know anymore. I’m not confused. No, I am Intrigued, mind broadened by the endless possibilities and outlooks Matt Hancock has given me. So thank you beyond words. Beyond our existence, and beyond humanity Matt Hancock."

Fair enough.

Another says: "This app filled a void in my life that I never even knew was there, and now I don’t know if I can go back. It’s a terrible burden to bear. The love of Matt Hancock is a dangerous drug. It makes you feel like the king of the world can lick your boots, like you could wrestle a gorilla and throw him to Portugal once you’re done with him."

And a third writes: "Who is Matt Hancock? For the blind, he is the vision. For the thirsty, he is the water. For the hungry, he is the bread. For the poor, he is the rich. For the dark, he is the light. For the lost, he is the map. For me, he is my inspiration. If Matt Hancock has a million fans, I am one of them. If Matt Hancock has one fan, it is me. If Matt Hancock had no fans, I no longer exist. Thank you for saving me, Matt Hancock. I no longer am lost."

But a one-star reviewer wasn't as happy with it. "Six months ago I decided I’d give social media a try, and so I downloaded Matt Hancock," they say.

"At first I quite enjoyed Matt Hancock. Everyday I’d wake up to notifications from Matt Hancock. Matt Hancock would send me videos of Matt Hancock. Matt Hancock would give all the latest Matt Hancock news. I felt part of something bigger than me, and could finally understand why the kids get engrossed in this stuff.

"But after a few months, I realised this wasn’t a social interaction at all. All I was getting was megabyte upon megabyte of Matt Hancock’s life beamed straight into my brain. But I could give nothing back. I couldn’t talk to Matt Hancock. I couldn’t share all my Matt Hancock-based thoughts. I was plugged into Matt Hancock’s life through the Matt Hancock app, every waking hour of the day, and my own life became so consumed with Matt Hancock that I forgot what human interaction meant.

"After 4 months I deleted Matt Hancock, and decided to disentangle Matt Hancock’s life from my own. With hope, and several more psychiatric sessions, maybe someday I’ll be free."

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